The Introvert Advantage: Overcoming Perceptions of Incompetence and Disengagement

November 7, 2023

A while back, a trusted VP told me his boss was concerned about his ongoing performance in their weekly executive team meeting. Specifically, he got this feedback:


“You’re not jumping into our team conversation fast enough!”


In agreement with the feedback, he shook his head and added that he hates the awkward silence in some meetings when his peers look at him, expecting him to say something. 


“I hate the pressure of this, but I have a hard time processing with my mouth. I need time and quiet to think things out before I say them.”

introvert advantage

As we started pulling this apart to problem solve, I couldn’t help but empathize. Many leaders (me included) who prefer to fully process ideas before responding can get caught off guard when others want them to move faster. This can be incredibly challenging for those of us who naturally make decisions in our heads and then speak when that idea is fully baked.


Like this VP, I struggled with this early in my educational career, but it became a more apparent issue as I crawled up the organizational chart. Yup, I was actually negatively critiqued in a performance review as being “aloof.”


As a leader, it’s important to engage in the moment. At the executive level, it’s essential.


Our Western culture typically perceives silence in one of two ways:


  1. The leader isn’t competent.
  2. The leader is disengaged. 


Ironically, sometimes those who are naturally quieter are the ones thinking most deeply about the issue at hand — but then get caught off guard when asked for immediate input.


As a campus and district leader for nearly three decades, I have observed thousands of hours of meetings. I've seen many great examples and countless poor episodes of team talk. While there are several tactics to help build team cohesion and conversational turn-taking, I often return to a simple, three-step framework: question, example, and thought.


Start with a Question

One thing that interferes with leaders speaking up is needing more information to state an opinion. As a result, some of us freeze, fearful that our desire to get into the conversation might leave us saying something prematurely.


Instead, a valid starting point is to ask a clarifying question. A helpful practice is to listen through the lens of this question:


What else do I need to know to form an opinion about this?


Make a list of questions that arise as you listen. Then, once it's time for you to speak up, here's one way to begin:


Before I jump in, I have a quick, clarifying question…


Then, state your question(s) and listen to how your colleagues respond. If the answer isn't satisfactory, you may suggest additional information is needed before sharing your opinion or decision. 


If your question elicits more clarity, it provides a path to say more.


I am regularly surprised by how often a clarifying question (or two) can change the entire direction of a conversation — and sometimes surface critical information that triggers a new decision or opinion. This trend is so consistent that we mandate time for clarifying questions in all our HPG Divisional Core Group coaching sessions when addressing situations that teams share.


Starting with a question before you speak up does three things: 


  1. It gets you into the conversation.
  2. It provides you a moment to consider new information.
  3. It gets you used to jumping in. 


All three will help you build the needed reps to strengthen your executive presence as an introvert. 


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Cite an Example

You may be ready to say more once you've asked a clarifying question (or two). Rather than immediately responding with a definite end to the conversation, such as “Approved!” or “That's not going to work,” you might consider this second transitionary step.


Citing an example is a helpful way to keep the conversation moving forward while leaving open more dialogue opportunities.


A while back, I observed a strategy conversation where several leaders had begun moving in a new direction for a new campus initiative. It became clear that one team member in the room was a bit uncomfortable with her team's direction.


Rather than outright criticize the direction, the person (with valid concern) shared a detailed story about another team she'd been on that tried a similar tactic, only to see it backfire. She was willing to support a test run and suggested that her colleagues move into this decision with prudence and care.


Anybody can share a hot take, but citing a specific example addressing the topic is more credible.


Share an Initial Thought

When it's not yet time for a more definitive statement, sharing an initial thought is a helpful next step.


Many introverted leaders fail to engage in dialogue because they are concerned that anything they say will be interpreted as a final decision — or read as their entire body of thinking on a topic.


While that can happen, it's not practical to sit quietly through interactions or expect to find regular, protracted time for research and thinking. Even when this is possible, others often read consistent silence poorly and are hasty to make judgments.


That's why splitting the difference can be helpful. I've used this phrase many times when I've found myself wanting to engage in a conversation but not quite ready to be definitive:


“I have an initial thought…”


Starting that way signals that you're engaged and involved and that your thinking may still change.


Here's How it Sounds

Here's how it sounds to start if I started with a question, cited an example, and shared an initial thought. 


This is (hypothetically) a team meeting to consider a new computer system.
I first asked this question: 

  • Before we go to the next point, could I ask a quick clarifying question? Much has been shared about the new data system we're considering. What's unclear is what kind of training and onboarding will be required from us. Do we know what it looks like for this academic year?


The subsequent dialogue didn't elicit a clear answer, so I continued with
an example:

  • A few years back, another division I led purchased a new system similar to what we are considering. This was a unilateral decision, and many of the first adopters became frustrated with the pilot edition as it had several bugs that threw excessive errors to the point that the essential data we needed was no longer trusted. This became problematic to the success of future change this team needed to manage and diminished team trust between staff and administration. 


There was additional discussion, and it appeared the purchase would move forward. When I was asked if I would support it, this was my
initial thought:

  • Since the plan is to move forward, my initial thought is to do a test with a smaller subgroup of the division. Suppose we do an experimental run on a volunteer basis with some creative incentives. In that case, we'll know if there's an issue before making a more significant investment and perhaps diminishing the trust of our teams. 


While the team continued with the original plan, my contributions provided cautionary processing with the team adapting their plan more wisely and quickly than they otherwise might have.


Utilizing the three steps of question, example, and thought will help you consistently engage in conversations and influence what comes next.


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More Blog Articles

By HPG Info • November 2, 2026
Why a leadership team full of great hires still drops the ball The Brewers won the World Series Wednesday night, 4–1 over the Rays in Game 5. It’s the first title in the franchise’s 57 years. Ms. Becky and I are building our shack in Wisconsin, so we’re officially on the bandwagon. Baseball is the sport where stacking stars most reliably buys wins. Each hitter stands alone at the plate. Add a great one and the win column moves. Basketball works differently. The NBA teams with the most stars on the roster win less than their talent says they should. Ten seasons of data say so, and so does anyone who has watched a superteam forget how to pass in the fourth quarter. Your leadership team plays basketball. Most of us hired it like a baseball roster. Every superintendent and president I talk to has hired at least one person they'd call the best they've ever worked with. A finance chief who reads a budget like a novel. A chief academic officer the faculty actually trust, which is rarer than a balanced budget. An HR lead who knows every contract clause by heart. Then a hard season shows up. A budget gap, a referendum, a bargaining year, an enrollment dip. The room full of all-stars starts pulling in different directions, each one excellent, each one alone. Everybody is playing hard. Nobody is playing together. So here's a question to sit with before your next leadership team meeting: when did you last hire someone for how well they pass? THE DIAGNOSIS · A ROOM FULL OF FINISHED REPORTS Picture a Tuesday morning leadership meeting in November. Finance brings a projection. HR brings a staffing plan built on last spring's numbers. Teaching and learning brings a new intervention model that needs four positions nobody budgeted. Each report is sharp and finished, and none of them were built with the others in the room. The real meeting happens in the parking lot at 11:40, two people at a time, engines running. Nobody at that table is underperforming. That's what makes the problem so hard to name. Your evaluations say everyone is excellent, and they're right. We built it this way. Job postings, interviews and annual reviews all measure the individual, and nobody's contract lists assists. We hire for points, pay for points, and then act surprised when nobody passes. Three questions worth answering honestly: How many of your top five priorities can one person on your team deliver alone? When a hand-off between two of your leaders drops, who finds out first, you or your board? When the next three months get harder, does your team pass faster, or does everyone retreat to their own lane? I know the loneliness of being the one person at the table who sees how all the pieces connect. I've sat in that chair. For a long stretch, my teams underperformed despite being full of talented people, and I kept trying to close the gap with my own effort. That works about as well as a point guard deciding to also play center. In The TQ Advantage, I call the result the Individual Brilliance Ceiling: talented people in the wrong positions, with no shared way of working, producing average team results. 📊 60% of collective capacity: where most leadership teams run, across nearly 1,000 TQ assessments . The talent is there. The passing is missing. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. IQ is the talent you hired. EQ is the shared language that lets that talent coordinate under pressure. PQ is each leader's accurate read of where they play best and where they're covering. It's multiplication, so a zero anywhere wins. Stack the IQ, let the other two sit near zero, and the product stays small no matter how many stars you sign. A quick timeout before the research. If one of those three questions made you wince, that wince is data. Most leadership teams I work with can name their best individual performer in two seconds and can't produce a single written hand-off. Closing that gap is what our TQ Advantage workshop is built for, and I'll say more about it at the end. First, the sports science. THE RESEARCH · THE TOO-MUCH-TALENT EFFECT In 2014, researchers from INSEAD, Columbia and VU University Amsterdam published a study in Psychological Science that tested something most hiring committees treat as settled: does adding top talent always make a team better? Before they ran the numbers, they asked ordinary people to predict the answer. Most said yes. More stars, more wins, no ceiling. Then the researchers checked. They looked at three sports: two World Cup qualifying cycles in soccer (2010 and 2014), ten NBA seasons (2002 to 2012), and ten Major League Baseball seasons over the same stretch. In baseball, more talent kept paying off. Each added star moved the win column. In soccer and basketball, talent helped up to a point. Past that point the gains flattened, and at the very top the curve bent down. The most star-heavy teams won less than their talent predicted. The NBA data showed where the wins leaked out. The most star-heavy teams coordinated worse: fewer assists, lower shooting percentages, fewer defensive rebounds. Anyone who has guarded a ball hog in a rec-league game knew this already. Now there's a regression line. The deciding variable was interdependence. A baseball hitter stands alone at the plate. (Baseball is a team sport roughly the way a spelling bee is.) A point guard needs four other people for the play to work. When winning depends on coordination, stacking individual brilliance without building the coordination stops paying. One caveat, because a sharp board member will ask: the downturn at the very top comes from a fitted curve, and the coordination link is a correlation. Treat it as a strong signal about where to look. Most of us hire leaders as if we're building a baseball roster. Then we ask them to play basketball. THE FRAMEWORK · SORT, PASS, POSITION Three moves. You can teach all of them to your team in sixty seconds. Sort the game you're actually playing. Some work really is baseball. A great grant writer or recruiter can win alone at the plate, so let them. The leadership team plays a different sport. The budget, the master schedule, enrollment, the board and the bargaining table all run through each other. When one leader guards her lane, somebody else's work stalls. Build the passes on purpose. In the NBA data, the damage ran through coordination. Coordination is a skill, so a team can practice it. Most leadership teams have never written down a single hand-off: who gives what to whom, by when. They run on goodwill and email. Goodwill holds up fine until February. Email holds up fine until someone hits reply-all. Put people where they play best. I was recruited to play catcher in college and spent four years calling pitches and talking with my pitcher between nearly every one. Now and then my coach moved me to right field to rest my legs. I could play it. I was never brilliant out there. Plenty of leadership teams have catchers playing right field, and nobody has said so out loud. The TQ framework maps five types of thinkers: HEART, SOUL, STRENGTH, VOICE and MIND. Every team leans hard toward a few. Among the leaders we've assessed, HEART shows up 43% of the time and MIND just 7% . If nobody on your team naturally plays the MIND position, someone is covering it, and they're probably tired. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE · ONE DROPPED PASS Here's the pattern I see most often. Finance flags a deficit in October. HR waits on enrollment projections before starting the staffing plan. Finance assumes teaching and learning is producing those projections. Teaching and learning assumes HR has them. Nobody dropped the ball on purpose. Everybody assumed someone else was holding it. Three excellent leaders, one dropped pass, and the reduction conversation slides to April, when every option is worse. Map that team's thinking and the reason usually takes about ten minutes to see. Nobody naturally plays the long-range, systems-checking position, so the superintendent has been covering it herself, at 10 p.m., for years. The fix is two moves. Write the six most important hand-offs as one-sentence agreements with names and dates. Then give the systems check to the leader whose profile leans that way, with permission to slow a decision down when the numbers don't connect. Same people. Different sport. TQ IMPLICATION → If most of your priorities need two or more leaders moving together, your development plans can't all be batting practice. THE DRILL · 20 MINUTES AT YOUR NEXT MEETING Sort the work (5 minutes). List your team's top five priorities for the year. Mark each one B for baseball, if one person can win it alone, or H for hoops, if it takes two or more of you moving together. Count the H's. If most are H's and every development plan on your team is individual, you've found the gap. Find the passes (5 minutes). For each H, write the hand-off as one sentence: who gives what to whom, by when. "Finance gets the enrollment projection to HR by February 1 so staffing can start." Name your positions (5 minutes). Go around the table once. Each leader answers: "Where on this team do I play catcher? Where am I playing right field?" No rebuttals on the first lap. Fix one pass (5 minutes). Pick the hand-off that dropped most often this fall. Agree on one change and one owner. Open your next meeting by checking it. "We don't have time for this." Count the decisions this fall that came back to the table a second time because someone wasn't looped in. Multiply by the people in the room and the minutes each one took. You're already paying for the drill, in rework. "My people are too senior for this." So were the NBA's most stacked rosters, and coordination was still where they lost games. Twenty minutes usually surfaces one hand-off everyone quietly knew was broken. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "We need to hire another star." Mature leaders think: "We need the stars we have to pass." Immature leaders think: "Everyone on my team is excellent, so my team is excellent." Mature leaders think: "Everyone on my team is excellent. Now we build the team." Immature leaders think: "Put the best person on the biggest problem." Mature leaders think: "Put the right position on the problem, and protect the hand-offs around it." YOUR TURN Finish this sentence in the comments: "The pass that keeps dropping on our team is ______." One line is plenty. Then read a few of the others. You'll see fast that you're not the only one, which is either comforting or alarming, depending on your board. THE NEXT MOVE Quick gut check. If you ran the drill tomorrow, how many of your top five priorities would come back marked H? And how many of those have a hand-off anyone has written down? If the honest answers are "most" and "none," you're in good company. It's the most common pattern in our data. It's also the one that costs the most in a hard season, because dropped passes show up right when the margin for error disappears: the budget gap, the bargaining year, the board meeting where three of your leaders describe three versions of the same plan. If the drill surfaced more dropped passes than you expected, let's talk it through. Thirty minutes, your team's real hand-offs, no slides and no pitch. Start with a 30-minute conversation: BOOK IT HERE When you're ready to go further, the TQ Advantage workshop puts your whole leadership team in one room for two and a half hours. Everyone completes the TQ assessment first. In the room you see your team's map side by side: who plays catcher, who's covering right field, and which positions nobody holds. You leave with the hand-off and decision protocols you'll use the next morning. Workshop details: higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence Know a colleague whose leadership team is in a hard season? Send this their way. And if you're new here, hit subscribe so next week's issue finds you. SOURCES & FURTHER READING Swaab, R. I., Schaerer, M., Anicich, E. M., Ronay, R., & Galinsky, A. D. (2014). The too-much-talent effect: Team interdependence determines when more talent is too much or not enough. Psychological Science, 25(8), 1581–1591. Read the study Plain-language summary: Association for Psychological Science The book: The TQ Advantage by Dr. Joe Hill Behind the 60% figure: HPG research on nearly 1,000 TQ assessments
By HPG Info • October 28, 2026
For college presidents, superintendents, and their leadership teams: a 25-minute exercise for your next meeting. Open your website and read the first five sentences out loud. Count how many start with “we” or “our.” Then count how many start with a student’s problem. Write both numbers down. We’ll come back to them. The committee story Here’s how the “we” sentences win. They shout what they're proudest of: the founding year, the ranking, the new residence hall, the one-to-one devices. Every fact is true. Put together, they tell a 17-year-old on a campus tour, or a parent at kindergarten roundup, that the institution is the hero and they’re the audience. The hero and the guide Every story people remember has two roles. The hero has a problem and wants something. The guide shows up with empathy because they understand the problem and authority because they’ve helped others through it. Then the guide gives the hero a plan and steps out of the spotlight. In your story, the student is the hero, and so is the family standing beside them. Every adult is a guide: the president, the advisor who walks a nervous sophomore to her first job shadow, the bus driver who knows every kid’s name by October. Get those roles right, and your messaging and your service both start from the same place: the student’s problem. Why this matters now WICHE projects that the number of U.S. high school graduates will peak in 2025 and fall 13% by 2041. Fewer students and families will be choosing among more options, and they’ll trust the campus or district that sounds like it understands them. Students also tell us what they remember. In 2014, Gallup and Purdue surveyed more than 30,000 college graduates. For those who had a professor who cared about them as a person, one who made them excited to learn, and a mentor who encouraged their dreams, their odds of being engaged at work more than doubled. Only 14% had all three. What students remember is being known. That’s guide work, and it starts long before college. Three guide moves Start with their problem. Lead with the questions families are really asking: Will I belong? Will someone know my name? Can we afford this? Is my kid safe here? In service, start the first advising meeting or parent-teacher conference with “What’s hardest for you right now?” Show empathy, then authority. Say you understand, then prove you’ve helped someone like them. One real student story, told with permission, does more than a page of rankings. Give a plan and a picture of success. Three clear steps, and what life looks like a year from now. Every student should be able to name their next step and the adult who has their back. One guardrail: say only what’s true in every building. When Clinton-Massie Local Schools in Ohio had to make cuts after a failed levy, the Superintendent David Moss wrote to families, “The unfortunate reality is that this is a reduction in service.” Families follow a guide who tells them the truth. Take this into your next leadership team meeting (25 minutes) The card (5 minutes). Give everyone an index card with one question: “A student or family asks why they should choose us. What do you tell them?” Sixty seconds, no talking. The sort (5 minutes). Read the cards out loud. Make two piles: cards that start with the student, and cards that start with us. The conversation (10 minutes). Which card would a student or parent actually remember? Where do our website, our tours and our first weeks put us in the spotlight? What do we promise that we can’t yet deliver everywhere? Who on our team already acts like a guide, and what could the rest of us copy? The commitment (5 minutes). Pick one message (a homepage line, a tour script or a welcome letter) and one service moment (orientation, the first week or the first conference). Rewrite both before your next meeting, and assign an owner to each. Then run the five-sentence test again and see if your numbers moved. Where this goes next If your cards came back with eight different answers, you’ve found your team’s real work. The average team performs at less than 60% of its potential (MIT and HPG research), and most of that gap lives in how talented leaders think, decide, and act together. The Team Accelerator is a monthly development experience built to close that gap for a president’s or superintendent’s whole leadership team. It starts where your index cards left off, with the Team Intelligence (TQ) Assessment , so your team can see how it works today. From there: The TQ Advantage Workshop gives your leaders one shared language. Each leader gets a Natural Leadership Profile and a 1:1 with me. Three workshops build Trust, Empowerment, and Collaboration , in the order they grow. Dr. Amy Diaz, EdD , president of GateWay Community College , put it this way: “GateWay’s breakthrough came from intentional work on team cohesion.” If the card exercise showed you a gap, let’s talk about it. Book 30 minutes with me. Know someone who runs a leadership team meeting? Forward this to them. Turn high-performing leaders into a HIGHER-PERFORMING TEAM Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group
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