The Best Reason to Fire Someone (and How To Do It Well)

May 17, 2022

The first time I heard the phrase “stay in joy or leave in peace,” I snickered.


Early in my leadership career, I had to make the painful decision to let someone go. That phrase ceased being funny.


Human resource decisions are challenging. They should be. After all, people are not resources but humans. These people have families. They have friends. They’ve committed to the campus and potentially to you.


Letting them go feels like a lose-lose situation. On one side, they lose a job. On the other side, you lose a team member. You’ll immediately face the challenging task of replacing them and losing the relationship.

It’s not easy to remain colleagues after a breakup.


With so much to lose and the drought in new talent out there, it’s tempting never to let anyone go, right?


Keeping an underperforming person who isn’t wearing the team jersey isn’t showing kindness. Don’t think for a hot second, that you’re being altruistic in avoiding the difficult conversation. Ensuring you have smart and healthy people on the team is the leader’s most important responsibility.


Letting a person go costs you something but keeping them costs you much more.



The Cost to Keep People Who Need to Leave in Peace

Mission delivery is the charge of every leader. Keeping people who need to leave hampers the mission. Leaders shouldn’t allow that to happen. There’s too much at stake.


When you refuse to let the WRONG person go, all the RIGHT people suffer. Your team dies a thousand deaths watching you protect your underperformers. When you allow average team members to hang on for too long, they become a toxin in the cultural water system, and the results are catastrophic.


Your RIGHT leaders will end up leaving instead.


But there’s something even more important at stake here — the person who isn’t succeeding.



The Entrapment of Indifference

I thought a lot about what word to use. Entrapment seems inappropriate, but when I consider the harm done when you knowingly keep a person who has no future in the system, my mind drifts to entrapment and confinement. You ensnare and trap people when they no longer have control of their destiny.


What else would you call keeping a team member who simply has nowhere to go, so they keep showing up for you? 


First things first. When a person is struggling to succeed, you should do everything to help them become successful. You owe that to them.


  1. Is it a skill issue? You owe it to them to coach them up.
  2. Is it a talent fit issue? You owe it to them to try moving them to a different position.
  3. Is it a competence issue? You owe it to them to train them up.


However, if this is a motivational issue, you owe them nothing, and it’s time to make the hard decision and help them “leave in peace.”


Those not motivated to be Higher Performance players in your organization are the WRONG people on your team.


When you keep team members around knowing they have no long-term future with you, you rob them of what could be best for them. Every passing day that you hesitate or avoid a difficult conversation is another day they lose for their future.


Think about this: When you keep team members who need to move on, you are literally robbing them of what could and should be true in their best work forward.



The 10 Step Process of Helping the Wrong People Leave in Peace

I’ve had the unfortunate task of firing several people. In each case, I did what I could to help them succeed in the role. But when I realized they didn’t have a long-term future in the system, I had no choice but to let them go.


For everyone, the process was similar.


1. Start with a few lovingly clear conversations.

No staff member should ever feel surprised by a termination. Of course, no matter how clear you are, the person will act surprised when they eventually are let go. That’s part of the painful process. But as far as it depends on you, be transparent throughout the journey. Be loving, but be very, very clear. Too many leaders dance around the issue allowing confusion to seep into the expectation. Be clear. Be loving, AND be very clear. 


Also, it’s often helpful to have a third-party present for these conversations. This individual can help ensure that the communication and next steps are clear.


2. Help them become successful.

Remember points #1 - #3 above. If they are on your team, they are your responsibility. You owe it to your team to support their success. You cannot skip this part of the process. 


3. Maintain connection.

As you work to develop their skills, position, and/or competence, it’s imperative to remain connected. Your proximity will show support and reveal progress.


4. Set up regular check-ins.

After the initial lovingly clear conversation, proactively set up weekly check-in meetings to gauge progress and offer additional support. Again, as the leader, you owe it to the struggling team member to support their development.


5. Move to an objective plan.

If clear progress is not seen, create a detailed 30, 60, and 90-day plan. This plan must include specific and scheduled tasks and behaviors. Clarity is kind. People deserve to know where they stand and what will happen if they do not perform. If you find yourself in this position, bring the plan in written form for both parties to acknowledge (and sign). Again, seek clarity. Ensure the consequences for failing the plan are explicit. Furthermore, having a third-party present for this conversation is wise.


6. Progress monitor.

Monitoring progress seems obvious, but it’s too often missed in the process. We get busy, and it becomes easy to slide this responsibility into the other “non-urgent” pile. Schedule these meetings in advance. If you give a plan and don’t monitor and support along the way, you become the underperforming leader.


7. When you know. Go!

When you know without a doubt that satisfactory progress is not being made, resolutely decide to let them go. Again, if you delay the final conversation, you are the underperforming leader. When you realize they don’t have a future in the system, it’s time for a challenging but loving conversation.


  • They won’t agree.
  • They will act surprised.
  • They won’t want to be your friend.


But reframe all of that. You’ll be freeing them to pursue another opportunity where they can have a brighter future.


Note: If possible, provide a financial offramp. Give them a month or two (or more) of full salary and benefits without any obligation to contribute to the organization.


8. Communicate well.

At this point, it’s time to inform key team members and stakeholders of this personnel change. This can be tricky. Note: Keep all the dirty laundry in the hamper. It’s not helpful information. Simply set up a communication timeline in conjunction with the person leaving the organization. I’ve found that writing the email content for their exit and allowing them to see it and suggest adjustments before sending it is an honoring gesture.


9. Begin succession planning. 

With integrity, only at this point should you begin searching for their replacement. Leaders are tempted to keep people around while they interview behind closed doors. This may help reduce the gap between the person leaving and their replacement, but it is not honoring the person leaving or the character of your culture. Make the breakup clean before you begin searching for a replacement.


10. Document like a boss.

Literally, in every meeting and following each conversation in this performance management process, document everything and distribute the conversation to those involved in the process. Documentation is essential to provide clarity and vital for any potential negative behavior on behalf of the leaving member. 



Conclusion

As hard as these conversations will be, I fully believe the kindest thing you can do for every team member is to fight for their success. If that cannot happen inside your system, it’s your job to help them grasp that reality and move towards a brighter future. “Staying in joy or leaving in peace” isn’t poor leadership humor; it’s a loving way to prioritize people above all else.



Who HASN’T lost momentum this year? Please raise your hand.


Losing momentum is natural. 


 Getting it back before it becomes normalized must be a top team priority. 


 ❓ Why?


 Because everyone deserves to live in a community served by healthy teams and highly reliable systems.


 To help achieve this goal, I’ve created a brand-new guide that I’m very excited to share with you!


 ➜ It’s called: 5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort.


 I'm making this exclusive guide FREE for you today!


 But you must act now…


 …the gravitational pull toward indifference is sweeping across our campuses and, when left unchallenged, will create average performance (at best).


 Indifference draws a crowd, and your community deserves better than average performance.


 💥 Leaders Create Culture.


 ➜ This practical guide will give you actionable items you can use to sharpen your advantage and reclaim your team’s momentum again. 


Grab this just-released FREE guide here: 👇🏼https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim

Press on!


Joe

Founder, President: Higher Performance Group


P.S. Here are the two best ways I can help you right now:


1) Get your FREE guide: 
5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort. 
www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim


2) Schedule a Call: 
Let’s talk about the obstacles (and opportunities) that you & your team are currently facing. 
www.higherperformancegroup.com/schedule

More Blog Articles

By HPG Info July 22, 2025
The Reason Your Star-Studded Cabinet Isn't Moving The Performance Needle Last Monday at 8:00 AM, you sat down with your dream team, boasting a combined experience of over 150 years in education. Advanced degrees from prestigious universities. Proven individual track records. By Friday, you were staring at the same reality faced three years ago: brilliant people, endless meetings, and problems that seemed to multiply faster than solutions. You probably caught yourself thinking: "If we're this smart and experienced, why does it feel like we're spinning our wheels while our system falls further behind our competition?" Here's the uncomfortable truth that research reveals: You've assembled individual experts but haven't built collective intelligence. And it's costing your students everything. THE RESEARCH MIT's Dr. Anita Woolley published groundbreaking research in Science that should revolutionize how you think about your leadership team. 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Example: When addressing chronic absenteeism, the student services director focuses on home visits, the curriculum director examines engagement strategies, and the transportation director reviews route efficiency—but they never collectively examine the interconnected nature of the problem. 2. The Expertise Silo Disease The Problem: You know exactly how each person will respond before they speak. Your CFO sees everything through a budget lens. Your VP of Academics defaults to instructional solutions. Why It Fails: Teams with diverse expertise only show amplification effects when they work collectively, not in isolation. Example: During budget cuts, each department advocates for its programs individually, rather than collectively redesigning how the institution delivers comprehensive, in-demand programming. 3. The Meeting Theater Syndrome The Problem: You mistake presentations and reports for collective thinking. 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The entire team visits classrooms together, talks to students experiencing the achievement gap, and observes the challenge firsthand. Then you think together in real-time about what you're all seeing. Result: Breakthrough insights emerge that transform your approach to the entire challenge. Solutions integrate naturally because they're developed collectively. IMMEDIATE ACTIONS 1. Replace "Report Out" with "Think Together" No presentations about departmental updates Choose one real system challenge Think through it collectively in the room 2. Implement the "Fresh Eyes" Rotation Let your newest team member lead the discussion on your oldest problem Ask your operations director to examine curriculum challenges Rotate who brings the initial perspective to familiar issues 3. Create Real-Time Discovery Sessions Schedule quarterly sessions where you encounter problems together No pre-work. No slides. Just collective thinking. Research shows that collective intelligence emerges from shared real-time experience 4. Measure Your Team Intelligence (TQ) Track how often breakthroughs emerge from team discussions vs. individual contributions Monitor whether your team generates solutions that none of you developed alone Assessment of group performance must account for underlying collective intelligence THE CONVINCING EVIDENCE Recent studies on collective leadership in education show significant positive effects on both student achievement and faculty retention. Educational research confirms that distributed leadership—where multiple people exercise leadership collectively—creates conditions that directly impact school climate and student outcomes. As AI transforms education, developing collective intelligence becomes even more critical. These are capabilities that technology cannot replace: the ability to think together, discover together, and create breakthrough solutions through human collaboration. THE EXPERIMENT Challenge: Pick your system’s most persistent problem—the one your leadership team has "solved" multiple times but keeps returning. The Collective Intelligence Approach: Clear half a day from everyone's calendar Experience the problem together as a team —visit classrooms, talk to students, and observe the challenge firsthand No prep. No presentations. No predetermined solutions. Think together in real-time about what you're all seeing See what emerges that none of you discovered working alone Warning: This will expose the extent to which your team relies on individual expertise rather than collective intelligence. It will be uncomfortable. It's also the path to breakthrough results. THE RUMBLE Your Team Intelligence Audit Questions: When did your leadership team last generate a solution that surprised all of you? How often do breakthrough insights emerge from your meetings vs. individual work? Do your collaborative sessions produce ideas that exceed what any individual member could develop alone? Are you solving problems or just coordinating individual solutions? The brutal truth: Individual brilliance is the ceiling. Collective intelligence is the breakthrough that transforms educational outcomes. READY TO TRANSFORM? Stop hoping individual experts will eventually coordinate better. Start building the collective intelligence that creates breakthrough results for students.  The first step is understanding your team's current intelligence quotient. In just 5 minutes per team member, you can discover: Where your team defaults to individual rather than collective thinking Which cognitive perspectives naturally enhance group intelligence How to transform your most challenging dynamics into breakthrough collaboration
By HPG Info July 15, 2025
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Google's belonging signals: Larry Page's technique of igniting whole-group debates around tough problems No-holds-barred hockey games where no one held back fighting founders for the puck Wide-open Friday forums where anyone could challenge leadership Small building with high proximity and face-to-face interaction The pattern mirrors exactly what MIT found drives team performance: Everyone talks and listens in roughly equal measure High levels of eye contact and energetic gestures Direct communication between all members, not just with the leader Back-channel conversations and side discussions Members who explore outside and bring information back The Hidden Cost of Hoping Culture Will Fix Itself Every day you wait for someone else to create belonging cues costs you: Faculty who disengage because they sense leadership division Students who suffer when initiatives fail due to leadership dysfunction Community trust that erodes when leadership appears fractured The brutal reality: Just as one bad apple can destroy performance in 30 seconds, one person creating belonging cues can transform the entire dynamic just as quickly. The question isn't whether your team needs a Jonathan. The question is: Will you become one? From Toxic to Transformative: The Belonging Framework ❌ The Typical Approach (Actually Destructive): Hope the negative dynamics burn themselves out Cabinet scenario: Your resistant executive team member makes dismissive comments during strategic planning. Other leaders start disengaging. You address it privately, but the group dynamic doesn't change. Result: Good initiatives die. High-performing leaders start looking elsewhere. Strategic momentum stalls. ✅ The Breakthrough Approach (Game-Changing): Create belonging cues that transform resistance Same scenario, different response: When the resistant leader makes a dismissive comment, you lean forward, make eye contact, and say, "You're raising something important—what am I not seeing here?" Then pivot to the group: "How do the rest of you see this?" Result: Resistance becomes strategic information. The team stays engaged. Opposition transforms into collaborative problem-solving. The Simple Signals That Change Everything Research shows belonging cues work through tiny, consistent signals. Here are the ones that matter most: Physical proximity and positioning: Sit in circles when possible Lean forward during difficult conversations Make frequent eye contact Communication patterns: Keep contributions short and energetic Ask questions that draw others out Listen intently and respond to what you hear Energy and attention signals: Give people your full presence Thank individuals by name for contributions Use humor (not sarcasm) to defuse tension The key insight: These aren't "soft skills"—they're performance drivers that literally rewire team dynamics. Transform Any Team Dynamic Starting Today The Belonging Cue Assessment: Step 1: Record your next team meeting (audio only) Step 2: Count how many times you create vs. destroy belonging cues Step 3: Notice the team's energy level during each type of interaction Three Daily Practices: Lean in when others lean back from conflict Respond to resistance with curiosity: "What am I missing here?" Create micro-connections before tackling difficult topics The Jonathan Protocol for Your Next Team Meeting: When someone becomes defensive, physically lean toward them Respond with genuine curiosity instead of defensiveness Pivot to include the whole group: "What do others think?" Remember: Your body language and tone matter more than your words Ask the resistant person directly: "How would you approach this?" The Choice That Defines Breakthrough Leadership You can wait for culture to improve, or you can become the person who creates it. You can hope toxic dynamics will resolve themselves, or you can master the belonging cues that prevent them. You can manage resistance, or you can mine the wisdom hidden inside it. You cannot do both. The most effective leaders I work with understand that being "the good apple" isn't about being nice—it's about being strategic. They've discovered that belonging cues aren't touchy-feely—they're the foundation of cognitive performance. Because here's what the research proves: Belonging is not "emotional weather"—it's the foundation on which strong culture is built. And one person really can save everything. But only if they understand that transformation happens through steady signals of safety, not grand gestures of authority. The Hidden Factor Behind Breakthrough Teams Here's what I've learned from studying hundreds of leadership teams: The difference between leaders who create belonging and those who spread toxicity isn't just individual awareness—it's about Team Intelligence (TQ) . When teams develop high TQ, they naturally create the belonging cues that prevent toxic dynamics and amplify positive energy. They learn to respond to resistance like Jonathan did—with curiosity that transforms opposition into contribution. The TQ Advantage: 45% faster recovery from team conflicts 38% higher team member engagement and retention 42% more breakthrough solutions achieved collaboratively The breakthrough teams I work with understand that you don't need everyone to be a Jonathan. When teams develop TQ, belonging cues become their default mode of interaction. Ready to Become the Good Apple Your Team Needs? Stop waiting for someone else to create the culture you want. Start building the Team Intelligence that makes belonging cues your team's natural language. The first step is understanding your team's current TQ. In just 5 minutes per team member, you can discover: Where toxic dynamics are most likely to emerge Which cognitive perspectives naturally create belonging cues How to transform your most challenging team members into contributors Discover Your Team Intelligence → https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence-assessment
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