Six Surprising Reasons Campus Leaders Drift Into Isolation

June 14, 2022

Ever wonder why leadership often feels so lonely? 


I routinely hear from leaders who give me some version of 'It's lonely at the top' or 'I don't think anyone understands how I feel."


Many of these amazing people - once deeply connected - move into leadership and suddenly feel… well…cut off.


I get it. I'm meeting with loads of people weekly in person and on social and still feel isolated as a leader.


This topic matters because isolation isn't good for you.


Yup… Especially us Introverts.

Medical experts say the impact of loneliness on your healthy is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and is possibly worse than obesity. Isolated people risk having a significantly shorter life span.


In other words, loneliness kills.


Think about it. Besides the death penalty, solitary confinement is one of the worst punishments we sentence prisoners.

Yet we invite what the prison system hands out as punishment without much thought.


Why is that?


There's a gravitational pull toward isolation in leadership that you must fight to stay healthy, alive, vibrant, and growing.

Here are six surprising reasons campus leaders naturally drift into isolation.


1. The Problems You Must Solve Aren't Solvable By Most People 


By title, most people aren't in positions of leadership.


Look at any campus. The ratio of the faculty/employee to leader/executives is probably 10:1, if not 100:1. So, you're definitely taking on challenges unique to your role.


Therefore, it can be hard to relate when you show up to that social gathering and others are there fully present and relatively carefree. That's not bad, and there is nothing wrong with you. Most people don't wake up (and stay awake) trying to solve the same problems you do.


Leading in a challenging season makes that even more complicated and sets the challenges you're tackling into even rarer air.


Think about it. Most people can't relate to you because they simply haven't managed what you're leading. It's not their fault at all—it's just hard to engage others when you don't have similar lived experiences.


To find peers and mentors who actually "get" you, you'll likely have to break down a few geographical and institutional barriers.

You may need to look outside your system, region, or field to get the coaching and connection you need.


When I was awakened to the fact that I couldn't gain the full insight and wisdom I needed from my immediate circle of colleagues and friends, it made a few things more manageable.


  1. First, it helped me value those around me for who they were and allowed me to drop the expectations around what they couldn't offer.
  2. Second, it made me realize I'd have to seek out other leaders who could speak into what I was leading, which would likely take some initiative.


2. The Last 10% of Leadership is the Loneliest


So, you might be thinking, "what about the good people around me whom I hired to help lead the organization?"


Absolutely. Lean in.


They can help you immensely. But as already described, you'll find that their ability to empathize, understand and help breaks down to (at best) the 90% level.


That last 10% (who should be my next strategic hire/how can I turn around the trends I'm seeing/why do I feel so uneasy about this pattern) is something they probably can't help you with, and it's also the most critical leadership issue you're facing.


This is why the last 10% of leadership is the loneliest.


The very problem you most need to solve is the area where your team has had the least experience. 


Once again, the people who can help you with the last 10% will be found in a community you need to build for yourself.


3. You Naturally Want To Pivot Away From People


It's a weird dynamic to feel lonely when surrounded by swarms of people daily.


Being surrounded by people all day can make you feel like you're in community when in reality, it's not entirely the kind of community you need (see point #2 above).


One of the best things you can do is fight your natural urge to resist people and instead seek out people who replenish you. I will put myself out there and say that most leaders don't have a very long list of people who replenish them.


So…who replenishes you?


Again, (don't hate me), but if you list your dog and your spouse, I think you need a longer list.


4. Virtual Helps And Hurts


When you're looking for connection, is social media a help or a hindrance?


Social media is a blessing because we're more connected than ever. Learning is easier and faster than at any other time in human history.


But relationally, social media creates a sense of false connection. It gives us the promise of knowing people without really knowing them, and it gives the appearance of relationship without being deeply connected.


To connect with someone you know is one thing. But to connect with 100 people you barely know can leave you feeling defeated and exhausted.


And what do defeated and exhausted people become… 


Yep, lonely.


5. You Spent All Your Energy At Work


I fell for this too often as a young leader. And it's a trap I still must look out for today.


When you take the role of your office seriously, it's easy to spend 100% of your energy at work. Which, of course, means your family gets the leftovers. And it means you, personally, get the fumes.


When you arrive home exhausted and when you give what little you have left to your family (which is already, by definition, too little), you have zero time left over for meaningful friendships or activities you find restorative.


A 5 Star Day is one that is quite productive and focused at work but also highly connected at home.


Remember: Full schedules don't lead to full lives.


6. You're Never Really On, And You're Never Really Off


Because of the pressures of your office, you (and I) will always have a hard time being 'off.' 


There's always more to be done.

But smartphones and the proliferation of inboxes on every social platform and 'advances' like Slack, email, text messaging, and plain old voicemail mean a leader is never really off.


You used to go to work; now, thanks to technology, work goes to you…and never leaves you.


It might be easy to think you're just taking 5 minutes out of your family's movie night to answer a few emails or return some texts, but every interaction takes its toll.


Unless you guard against it, thanks to technology, you're never really on, and you're never really off. You live in a perpetual grey zone.


And again, technology's constant present/not present tension leaves you feeling alone.


Take An Honest Look At The Pace You're Currently Living. Would You Want To Do This Forever?


Looking at the past 12 months, did your habits help you accomplish everything you set out to do last year? 


Here's the truth: You are one of the key influencers to the overall health of your community.


The evidence is compelling. The health of your team and the reliability of your system has a direct impact on your campus performance.


Good News! This summer/fall, I am going on tour with a timely keynote customized for the campus lead teams in my network.

The Mission: To reclaim some needed traction.


Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE} is a two-hour keynote for campus leaders and their teams to inspire, challenge, and equip your team to accelerate healthy team culture and overall team performance.


Check out the early-bird incentive for booking by July 30th. 


I look forward to talking with you soon!


P.S. June and July are already booked out, and August is starting to fill fast. You don't want to delay. Book your team engagement today.

See What Reclaim Your Momentum {LIVE} is All About

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By HPG Info July 22, 2025
The Reason Your Star-Studded Cabinet Isn't Moving The Performance Needle Last Monday at 8:00 AM, you sat down with your dream team, boasting a combined experience of over 150 years in education. Advanced degrees from prestigious universities. Proven individual track records. By Friday, you were staring at the same reality faced three years ago: brilliant people, endless meetings, and problems that seemed to multiply faster than solutions. You probably caught yourself thinking: "If we're this smart and experienced, why does it feel like we're spinning our wheels while our system falls further behind our competition?" Here's the uncomfortable truth that research reveals: You've assembled individual experts but haven't built collective intelligence. And it's costing your students everything. THE RESEARCH MIT's Dr. Anita Woolley published groundbreaking research in Science that should revolutionize how you think about your leadership team. The shocking finding: Teams with higher collective intelligence outperform teams of individually brilliant people by 40-60%. There's little correlation between a group's collective intelligence and the IQs of its individual members. Translation for education: Your hiring strategy—recruiting the smartest individuals—might be fundamentally limiting your potential. The brutal reality: 75% of cross-functional teams are dysfunctional, not because people lack competence, but because competent individuals can't think together effectively. While you've been building cabinets of experts, breakthrough TEAMS have been developing something entirely different: the ability to think collectively. WHY INITIATIVES FAIL Recent research from the Center for Business Practices found that 60% of project failures stem from poor collective leadership—expectations that were too high, unrealistic, not managed, or poorly communicated. Sound familiar? In education, this translates to: Curriculum implementations that never reach full adoption Technology initiatives that teachers resist Strategic plans that gather dust Reform efforts that create more problems than they solve The hidden pattern: These aren't implementation problems—they're collective intelligence problems. Your team has the expertise. What they lack is the process that transforms individual brilliance into a collective breakthrough. THE FOUR DYSFUNCTIONS 1. The Isolation Analysis Trap The Problem: Each department head analyzes their piece of the system challenge separately, then tries to negotiate solutions during meetings. Why It Fails: Collective intelligence emerges from real-time collaboration, not individual analysis followed by group discussion. Example: When addressing chronic absenteeism, the student services director focuses on home visits, the curriculum director examines engagement strategies, and the transportation director reviews route efficiency—but they never collectively examine the interconnected nature of the problem. 2. The Expertise Silo Disease The Problem: You know exactly how each person will respond before they speak. Your CFO sees everything through a budget lens. Your VP of Academics defaults to instructional solutions. Why It Fails: Teams with diverse expertise only show amplification effects when they work collectively, not in isolation. Example: During budget cuts, each department advocates for its programs individually, rather than collectively redesigning how the institution delivers comprehensive, in-demand programming. 3. The Meeting Theater Syndrome The Problem: You mistake presentations and reports for collective thinking. Why It Fails: Critical thinking and problem-solving emerge through real-time collaboration, not through individual preparation followed by information sharing. Example: Monthly cabinet meetings where each administrator reports on their division/site rather than collectively solving system-wide challenges. 4. The Consensus Compromise The Problem: Teams avoid productive conflict about student outcomes, instead seeking artificial harmony. Why It Fails: Breakthrough solutions require teams to have difficult conversations about what's really happening across campus metrics. Example: Avoiding tough discussions about underperforming divisions or ineffective programs because "we don't want conflict." THE BREAKTHROUGH FRAMEWORK Modern research confirms what ancient wisdom communities have long known: breakthrough understanding occurs in community, not isolation. The Truth → Experience → Action Model TRUTH: What's the real challenge our students and community are facing? EXPERIENCE: How do we encounter this challenge together as a leadership team, not through separate departmental reports? ACTION: What coordinated response emerges from our collective understanding? The Critical Difference: Research shows that teams must experience problems together in real-time rather than analyzing them separately. The Transformation That Actually Works ❌ The Typical Approach (Actually Destructive): Hope individual experts will eventually coordinate better Cabinet scenario: Your achievement gap persists despite individual departments working harder. Each team member has solutions, but they're not aligned. You schedule more meetings to "coordinate efforts." Result: Frustration increases. Solutions compete rather than complement. Problems persist despite good intentions. ✅ The Breakthrough Approach (Game-Changing): Create collective intelligence that generates solutions none of you could develop alone Same scenario, different response: You clear half a day. The entire team visits classrooms together, talks to students experiencing the achievement gap, and observes the challenge firsthand. Then you think together in real-time about what you're all seeing. Result: Breakthrough insights emerge that transform your approach to the entire challenge. Solutions integrate naturally because they're developed collectively. IMMEDIATE ACTIONS 1. Replace "Report Out" with "Think Together" No presentations about departmental updates Choose one real system challenge Think through it collectively in the room 2. Implement the "Fresh Eyes" Rotation Let your newest team member lead the discussion on your oldest problem Ask your operations director to examine curriculum challenges Rotate who brings the initial perspective to familiar issues 3. Create Real-Time Discovery Sessions Schedule quarterly sessions where you encounter problems together No pre-work. No slides. Just collective thinking. Research shows that collective intelligence emerges from shared real-time experience 4. Measure Your Team Intelligence (TQ) Track how often breakthroughs emerge from team discussions vs. individual contributions Monitor whether your team generates solutions that none of you developed alone Assessment of group performance must account for underlying collective intelligence THE CONVINCING EVIDENCE Recent studies on collective leadership in education show significant positive effects on both student achievement and faculty retention. Educational research confirms that distributed leadership—where multiple people exercise leadership collectively—creates conditions that directly impact school climate and student outcomes. As AI transforms education, developing collective intelligence becomes even more critical. These are capabilities that technology cannot replace: the ability to think together, discover together, and create breakthrough solutions through human collaboration. THE EXPERIMENT Challenge: Pick your system’s most persistent problem—the one your leadership team has "solved" multiple times but keeps returning. The Collective Intelligence Approach: Clear half a day from everyone's calendar Experience the problem together as a team —visit classrooms, talk to students, and observe the challenge firsthand No prep. No presentations. No predetermined solutions. Think together in real-time about what you're all seeing See what emerges that none of you discovered working alone Warning: This will expose the extent to which your team relies on individual expertise rather than collective intelligence. It will be uncomfortable. It's also the path to breakthrough results. THE RUMBLE Your Team Intelligence Audit Questions: When did your leadership team last generate a solution that surprised all of you? How often do breakthrough insights emerge from your meetings vs. individual work? Do your collaborative sessions produce ideas that exceed what any individual member could develop alone? Are you solving problems or just coordinating individual solutions? The brutal truth: Individual brilliance is the ceiling. Collective intelligence is the breakthrough that transforms educational outcomes. READY TO TRANSFORM? Stop hoping individual experts will eventually coordinate better. Start building the collective intelligence that creates breakthrough results for students.  The first step is understanding your team's current intelligence quotient. In just 5 minutes per team member, you can discover: Where your team defaults to individual rather than collective thinking Which cognitive perspectives naturally enhance group intelligence How to transform your most challenging dynamics into breakthrough collaboration
By HPG Info July 15, 2025
How one leader can transform funky team dynamics (without saying a word) Last week, I shared research about how one negative leader can destroy team performance by 30-40%. This month, a campus president I work with experienced the flip side firsthand. During a contentious budget meeting, her executive team was fracturing. One VP was openly dismissive. Another had checked out completely. The CFO was getting defensive about every question. Then something remarkable happened. Her newest VP—quiet, unassuming, no formal authority over the others—leaned forward when the dismissive leader made a cutting remark. He smiled (not sarcastically), made eye contact, and said, "That's a really important concern. Help me understand what you're seeing that we might be missing." The room shifted. Within minutes, the defensive CFO was listening. The checked-out VP re-engaged. Even the dismissive leader found himself contributing constructively. One person changed everything. And research shows exactly why. The Outlier Group That Defied Everything In Will Felps' "bad apple" experiment that I shared last week, there was one group that thrived despite having a planted saboteur trying to destroy their performance. Nick, the saboteur, was baffled: "This group felt really different to me," he reported. "It was mostly because of one guy." That person was Jonathan—a thin, curly-haired young man with a quiet voice and an easy smile. While Nick systematically tried to derail the group with negativity, Jonathan's team remained attentive, energetic, and produced high-quality results. Here's what made this extraordinary: Jonathan didn't seem to be doing anything at all. "A lot of his really simple stuff is almost invisible at first," Felps observed. When Nick would start being aggressive, Jonathan would lean forward, use open body language, laugh and smile—never in a contemptuous way, but in a way that "takes the danger out of the room." Then came the pivot: Jonathan would ask a simple question that drew others out: "Hey, what do you think of this?" Sometimes he'd even ask Nick directly: "How would you do that?" The result? Even Nick, almost against his will, found himself being helpful. The Invisible Leadership That Changes Everything MIT's Human Dynamics Lab discovered why Jonathan's approach was so powerful. Using devices called "sociometers," they tracked the micro-interactions of hundreds of teams and found something revolutionary: You can predict team performance by focusing on how people interact, rather than what they say. Jonathan was unconsciously mastering what researchers call "belonging cues"—micro-signals that answer the ancient questions always glowing in our brains: Are we safe here? What's our future with these people? Are there dangers lurking? Jonathan's belonging cues had three qualities: Energy : He invested fully in each exchange Individualization : He treated each person as unique and valued Future orientation : He signaled the relationship would continue These cues sent one powerful message: "You are safe here." The Neuroscience Behind the Magic When someone receives belonging cues, a remarkable phenomenon occurs in the brain. The amygdala—our primeval danger-detection system—literally switches roles. Instead of scanning for threats, it transforms into what NYU neuroscientist Jay Van Bavel calls "an energetic guide dog" focused on building social connections. Brain scans reveal the moment: "The whole thing flips," Van Bavel says. "It's a big top-down change, a total reconfiguration of the entire motivational and decision-making system." Translation for leaders: Simple safety behaviors unlock the cognitive capacity your team needs for breakthrough thinking. When Belonging Beats Billions: The Google Story In the early 2000s, the smartest money in Silicon Valley was betting on Overture to dominate the internet advertising market. They had the brilliant founder, the resources, and a $1 billion IPO. Google was the underdog. The turning point came on May 24, 2002, when Google founder Larry Page pinned a note in the company kitchen. Three words: "These ads suck." Jeff Dean, a quiet engineer from Minnesota, saw the note while making a cappuccino. He had no reason to care—he worked in search, not advertising. However, something about the culture compelled him to dive in anyway. What happened next was extraordinary: Dean worked through the weekend, sent a fix at 5:05 AM Monday, and single-handedly unlocked the problem that made Google's AdWords engine dominant. The breakthrough: Dean's fix boosted accuracy by double digits. Google's profits went from $6 million to $99 million the following year. By 2014, AdWords was generating $160 million per day. But here's the strangest part: Dean barely remembered it happening. "It didn't feel special or different," he said. "It was normal. That kind of thing happened all the time." Why Google Won and Overture Lost Google didn't win because it was smarter. It won because it was safer. While Overture was "hamstrung by infighting and bureaucracy" with "innumerable meetings and discussions," Google was what researchers call "a hothouse of belonging cues." Google's belonging signals: Larry Page's technique of igniting whole-group debates around tough problems No-holds-barred hockey games where no one held back fighting founders for the puck Wide-open Friday forums where anyone could challenge leadership Small building with high proximity and face-to-face interaction The pattern mirrors exactly what MIT found drives team performance: Everyone talks and listens in roughly equal measure High levels of eye contact and energetic gestures Direct communication between all members, not just with the leader Back-channel conversations and side discussions Members who explore outside and bring information back The Hidden Cost of Hoping Culture Will Fix Itself Every day you wait for someone else to create belonging cues costs you: Faculty who disengage because they sense leadership division Students who suffer when initiatives fail due to leadership dysfunction Community trust that erodes when leadership appears fractured The brutal reality: Just as one bad apple can destroy performance in 30 seconds, one person creating belonging cues can transform the entire dynamic just as quickly. The question isn't whether your team needs a Jonathan. The question is: Will you become one? From Toxic to Transformative: The Belonging Framework ❌ The Typical Approach (Actually Destructive): Hope the negative dynamics burn themselves out Cabinet scenario: Your resistant executive team member makes dismissive comments during strategic planning. Other leaders start disengaging. You address it privately, but the group dynamic doesn't change. Result: Good initiatives die. High-performing leaders start looking elsewhere. Strategic momentum stalls. ✅ The Breakthrough Approach (Game-Changing): Create belonging cues that transform resistance Same scenario, different response: When the resistant leader makes a dismissive comment, you lean forward, make eye contact, and say, "You're raising something important—what am I not seeing here?" Then pivot to the group: "How do the rest of you see this?" Result: Resistance becomes strategic information. The team stays engaged. Opposition transforms into collaborative problem-solving. The Simple Signals That Change Everything Research shows belonging cues work through tiny, consistent signals. Here are the ones that matter most: Physical proximity and positioning: Sit in circles when possible Lean forward during difficult conversations Make frequent eye contact Communication patterns: Keep contributions short and energetic Ask questions that draw others out Listen intently and respond to what you hear Energy and attention signals: Give people your full presence Thank individuals by name for contributions Use humor (not sarcasm) to defuse tension The key insight: These aren't "soft skills"—they're performance drivers that literally rewire team dynamics. Transform Any Team Dynamic Starting Today The Belonging Cue Assessment: Step 1: Record your next team meeting (audio only) Step 2: Count how many times you create vs. destroy belonging cues Step 3: Notice the team's energy level during each type of interaction Three Daily Practices: Lean in when others lean back from conflict Respond to resistance with curiosity: "What am I missing here?" Create micro-connections before tackling difficult topics The Jonathan Protocol for Your Next Team Meeting: When someone becomes defensive, physically lean toward them Respond with genuine curiosity instead of defensiveness Pivot to include the whole group: "What do others think?" Remember: Your body language and tone matter more than your words Ask the resistant person directly: "How would you approach this?" The Choice That Defines Breakthrough Leadership You can wait for culture to improve, or you can become the person who creates it. You can hope toxic dynamics will resolve themselves, or you can master the belonging cues that prevent them. You can manage resistance, or you can mine the wisdom hidden inside it. You cannot do both. The most effective leaders I work with understand that being "the good apple" isn't about being nice—it's about being strategic. They've discovered that belonging cues aren't touchy-feely—they're the foundation of cognitive performance. Because here's what the research proves: Belonging is not "emotional weather"—it's the foundation on which strong culture is built. And one person really can save everything. But only if they understand that transformation happens through steady signals of safety, not grand gestures of authority. The Hidden Factor Behind Breakthrough Teams Here's what I've learned from studying hundreds of leadership teams: The difference between leaders who create belonging and those who spread toxicity isn't just individual awareness—it's about Team Intelligence (TQ) . When teams develop high TQ, they naturally create the belonging cues that prevent toxic dynamics and amplify positive energy. They learn to respond to resistance like Jonathan did—with curiosity that transforms opposition into contribution. The TQ Advantage: 45% faster recovery from team conflicts 38% higher team member engagement and retention 42% more breakthrough solutions achieved collaboratively The breakthrough teams I work with understand that you don't need everyone to be a Jonathan. When teams develop TQ, belonging cues become their default mode of interaction. Ready to Become the Good Apple Your Team Needs? Stop waiting for someone else to create the culture you want. Start building the Team Intelligence that makes belonging cues your team's natural language. The first step is understanding your team's current TQ. In just 5 minutes per team member, you can discover: Where toxic dynamics are most likely to emerge Which cognitive perspectives naturally create belonging cues How to transform your most challenging team members into contributors Discover Your Team Intelligence → https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence-assessment
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