Higher Performance Insights | WHEN TRUST GOES TO VOICEMAIL

November 4, 2025
higher performance insights

THE MATH THAT DESCRIBES WHY LEADERSHIP TEAMS FAIL UNDER PRESSURE


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Do this math: 8 cabinet members × 12 meetings × 90 minutes = 144 hours annually with people you call "your team" but wouldn't call if your world fell apart.


That's not a leadership gap. That's a relationship infrastructure crisis.


73% of superintendents in our 987-team study report "plenty of colleagues but no one who really gets it." (Most won't admit this until drink two at the conference hotel bar.)


Here's the pattern: We've professionalized educational leadership so thoroughly that we've accidentally made it functionally impossible to build the one thing that determines whether your cabinet actually works—relationships that transcend the role.


I was recently in conversation with a leader who has navigated both established legacy organizations and complete startups—completely different contexts that require entirely different leadership skills. And he said something that stopped me cold: "I only have 2-5 people max who remain my friends through all the seasons of life. And that's all that really matters."


Two to five people. Not 2000 LinkedIn connections. Not your entire cabinet. Not even your full executive team.


Two. To. Five.


And suddenly, everything about why some leadership teams click and others just... meet made perfect sense.


Let's discuss what most leadership development programs overlook entirely.


LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS LIKE ADULTS WHO'VE SURVIVED MULTIPLE ACCREDITATION CYCLES


Here's what nobody tells you at leadership conferences (because they're too busy selling next year's tickets): The reason your cabinet doesn't function like a team has nothing to do with strategic planning tools or communication protocols.


It has everything to do with whether you've built trust deep enough to survive seasons.


SPECIFIC RECOGNITION:


You know this moment:


It's 11 PM on a Sunday, and the board email just hit your inbox—the one that makes your stomach drop. You scroll through your contacts looking for someone to call.


You pass right over your Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum. Your CFO. Your VP of HR.


Not because they're incompetent. Because you need someone who knows you independent of your title.


(And the person you actually call? Probably doesn't work in education.)


Or this one:


You're in a cabinet meeting debating a controversial policy change. Everyone's nodding. Taking notes. Agreeing professionally.


Then you adjourn, and three separate people text their actual thoughts to someone NOT in the room.


You've built a team that performs trust but doesn't practice it.


Or my personal favorite:


Your Chair gets promoted to Dean—brilliant strategic mind. Everyone's excited.


Six months in, she's technically proficient, but the cabinet dynamics feel off—because she's performing her new role while psychologically remaining in her old identity.


And nobody can talk about it because you've never established the kind of trust where identity evolution is safe.


ROOT CAUSE DIAGNOSIS:


Here's why this keeps happening, and I'm going to be direct because I've spent 25 years in the loneliness of the leadership seat: We've confused competency with capacity.


We hire for IQ. We develop EQ. We measure performance indicators. But we completely ignore the foundation that determines whether any of it actually works: Building Trust.


Not trust as a soft skill. Trust as the oxygen of TEAM INTELLIGENCE.


Research from our work with 987 leadership teams reveals something most leadership development completely misses: Leaders cannot skip competency levels without creating fragility in their leadership foundation. You cannot authentically empower others until you've established trust. You cannot facilitate genuine collaboration without both trust and empowerment. You cannot lead change successfully without trust, empowerment, collaboration, and influence working synergistically.


Yet what do we do? We promote people into complex leadership roles and immediately expect them to manage change, resolve conflicts, and develop others—Level 5 work—when they're operating at Level 1-2 on Building Trust.


That's not a competency gap. That's a developmental logic violation. And it's why 67% of change initiatives consistently fail.


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💡 "You cannot empower others until you've established trust. You cannot collaborate without empowerment. You cannot lead change without all prior competencies working synergistically."


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(This is actually why we created the TEAM INTELLIGENCE framework and built it into our TEAM INSTITUTE sessions—to help leadership teams develop sequentially instead of randomly. But I'm getting ahead of myself.)


TQ FRAMEWORK INTRODUCTION:


This is the part where I'm supposed to tell you to "create psychological safety" or "build better relationships." But you already knew that.


The real problem? Most leaders are attempting advanced leadership competencies without mastering the foundational one.


Here's the developmental sequence that actually works, drawn from our Leader Competency Assessment:


Level 1: Building Trust — Foundation for all others


Level 2: Empowerment — Builds on trust foundation


Level 3: Collaboration — Requires trust and empowerment


Level 4: Broadening Influence — Leverages collaborative networks


Level 5: Managing Change — Requires all prior competencies


Level 6: Managing Conflict — Transforms collaborative tension into breakthrough


Level 7: Developing Others — Apex competency synthesizing all others


Your cabinet isn't dysfunctional because people lack skills. It's dysfunctional because you're trying to run Level 5 plays (change management) with a team operating at Level 1-2 trust.


And trust—real trust, the kind that survives leadership transitions and organizational turbulence—isn't built in strategic planning sessions. It's built when relationships transcend the org chart.


🎯 BUILDING TRUST: THE COMPETENCY THAT DETERMINES EVERYTHING ELSE


WHY THIS ALWAYS COMES FIRST (EVEN WHEN WE WISH IT DIDN'T)


Organizations led by leaders who create a psychological safety culture are significantly more likely to foster innovative cultures, with substantially better talent retention and higher stakeholder satisfaction. (That's not motivation-poster wisdom. That's data from institutions that actually work.)


But here's what most leadership development gets catastrophically wrong: They treat trust as a soft skill you sprinkle on top of competence, rather than the foundation that determines whether competence ever becomes performance.


Trust is the oxygen of team intelligence. Without it, every other competency suffocates.

Let me break down the five levels of Building Trust—and show you exactly where your cabinet is probably stuck:


LEVEL 1: DEMONSTRATES INCONSISTENT RELIABILITY


• Communication lacks transparency


• Actions and words frequently misalign


• Tends to blame others for setbacks


Observable reality: This is the superintendent who announces, "My door is always open," but team members never walk through it. Or the cabinet member who commits to the meeting but ghosts on execution. Your team isn't underperforming because they're incompetent—they're hedging because reliability is inconsistent.


Quick gut check: How many times this month has someone on your cabinet surprised you by not following through?

LEVEL 2: SHOWS BASIC RELIABILITY BUT STRUGGLES WITH VULNERABILITY


• Generally follows through on commitments


• Shares limited information


• Hesitates to admit mistakes


Observable reality: This is where most educational leadership teams actually operate. Professional. Polite. Performing collaboration. But when something goes sideways, nobody's texting each other. They're calling someone outside the organization who they actually trust. You've built a reporting structure, not a team.


Be honest: When was the last time someone on your cabinet admitted a mistake before you discovered it?


LEVEL 3: CONSISTENTLY DEMONSTRATES INTEGRITY AND TRANSPARENCY


• Demonstrates vulnerability as a leader


• Advocates for team members even when costly


• Addresses trust violations directly and fairly


Observable reality: This is where the shift happens—from "colleagues who work together" to "people who have each other's backs." Cabinet members start processing real thinking with each other instead of around each other. When one person's worried about something, the team knows about it before it becomes a crisis.


LEVEL 4: CREATES AN ENVIRONMENT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY


• Establishes systems that promote transparency


• Creates mechanisms for addressing breaches of trust


• Models reconciliation and repair after conflicts


Observable reality: This is the cabinet that can debate controversial decisions and still go to lunch together afterward. Why? Because they've built systems—not just goodwill—that make trust renewable even when it's damaged. They've moved from hoping trust happens to architecting it into how they operate.


LEVEL 5: BUILDS INSTITUTIONAL CULTURES OF TRUST


• Establishes formal and informal influence channels


• Develops systems for cross-campus knowledge sharing


• Connects the institution to external opportunities


Observable reality: This is rare. This is when your cabinet's trust infrastructure becomes the model for the entire district. When principals start running their teams the way you run yours—not because you mandated it, but because they've watched it work.


THE BRUTAL REALITY CHECK:


We spent this fall running TEAM INSTITUTE sessions with campus leadership teams, and we started every single one with the Building Trust assessment. Want to know the most common result?


Leaders rated themselves at Level 3-4. Their teams rated them at Level 1-2.


That gap? That's your entire performance problem right there.


THE THREE TRUST QUESTIONS THAT REVEAL EVERYTHING:


I learned these from a leader who built multiple teams across completely different organizational contexts. He said the distinguishing factor wasn't competence or chemistry—it was answering three questions honestly:


Question 1: "Who on this team would I call at 11 PM if my world were falling apart?"


If the answer is zero or one, you don't have a team. You have coworkers who attend meetings.


Question 2: "Who on this team has embraced the leader I'm becoming, not just the role I'm performing?"


Leadership transitions require identity evolution. If your cabinet can't hold space for that, people perform their new role while psychologically remaining in the old one. (This is why your brilliant new Dean still acts like a Chair.)


Question 3: "Can I make decisions WITH this team, or do I just announce decisions TO them?"


If you're married, you don't make major life decisions unilaterally and then expect your spouse to get on board. Why do we think that works with leadership teams?


The teams that can answer all three questions affirmatively? Those are the ones where trust isn't a nice-to-have. It's the infrastructure underneath everything else.


CASE STUDY: THE TEAM THAT REBUILT TRUST FROM LEVEL 1


A community college president (let's call her "Maria"—and yes, she knows I'm telling this) inherited a cabinet of seven VPs. All credentialed. All experienced. All completely siloed and performing trust instead of practicing it.


Her first 90 days, she tried what most new leaders try: strategic planning. Vision alignment. Goal cascading. Professional development.


Nothing changed.


Then she did something most leaders won't: She admitted the problem wasn't strategy. It was trust.


She brought in our TEAM INTELLIGENCE assessment. Results showed her cabinet at Level 1-2 on Building Trust, yet they were attempting Level 5 work (managing major institutional change).


The developmental logic violation was obvious.


Here's what she did:


She stopped leading cabinet meetings and started building trust infrastructure.


She asked each VP privately: "Who on this team would you call at 11 PM if something went sideways in your personal life?"


Zero VPs named anyone on the cabinet.


Then she asked: "Who on this team knows what you're genuinely worried about regarding your work right now—not the polished version you present in meetings, but the real anxiety?"


Two had someone. Five didn't.


The gap between "colleagues" and "people who trust each other through seasons" was costing them everything.


Maria created monthly one-on-one conversations where the only agenda was: "Who are you becoming as a leader, and how can this team help you get there?"


Not performance evaluations. Identity evolution conversations.


She stopped managing performance and started shepherding transformation.


Within 90 days, VPs started texting each other their real concerns instead of people outside the room.


Within six months, they'd formed what I call "micro-alliances"—2-3 people who processed real thinking together between formal meetings.


Within a year, the cabinet made a controversial curricular decision unanimously because they'd made it WITH each other.

Student success metrics? Increased 12 percentage points. Faculty satisfaction? Up 23%.


But Maria told me: "The strategy didn't change. The trust infrastructure underneath the strategy changed. Turns out, that's what actually matters."


She rebuilt from the foundation up. Level 1 to Level 4 in 18 months.


That's not magic. That's developmental sequence done right.


📋 HERE'S WHAT TO DO MONDAY MORNING (BEFORE YOUR FIRST CABINET MEETING)


STEP 1: RUN THE TRUST LEVEL AUDIT (20 MINUTES)


Pull out our Leader Competency Assessment—or just grab a piece of paper and be brutally honest.


For Building Trust, where is your cabinet actually operating?


• Level 1: Inconsistent reliability, limited transparency, misaligned words and actions


• Level 2: Basic reliability but limited vulnerability


• Level 3: Consistent integrity, demonstrates vulnerability, advocates for team members


• Level 4: Creates psychological safety systems


• Level 5: Builds institutional trust cultures


Don't rate where you want to be. Rate where the evidence says you are.


Then—and this is the hard part—ask 2-3 trusted people on your team to rate you honestly. (If the gap between your self-assessment and their assessment is more than one level, that gap IS your leadership problem.)


STEP 2: ASK THE THREE TRUST QUESTIONS (30 MINUTES TOTAL, 10 PER QUESTION)


Schedule 30 minutes alone. Write down honest answers to:


1. "Who on my cabinet would I call at 11 PM if my world were falling apart?" (Names, not theory.)


2. "Who on my team knows the leader I'm becoming, not just the role I'm performing?" (If nobody comes to mind immediately, that's your answer.)


3. "Am I making decisions WITH my team, or announcing decisions TO them?" (Check your last three major decisions. How many were truly collaborative vs. performatively collaborative?)


If you can't name at least 2-3 people for questions 1 and 2, you don't have a performance problem. You have a trust infrastructure problem.


(Objection handling: "Joe, this feels soft. We need to focus on results." Fair pushback. But here's the data: Leaders in the top quartile for Building Trust competencies are significantly more likely to achieve institutional objectives. The teams that outperform yours? They already figured this out. You can dismiss it as soft, or you can build the foundation that makes results possible.)


STEP 3: CREATE ONE "IDENTITY EVOLUTION" CONVERSATION THIS WEEK (45 MINUTES)


Pick one cabinet member. Schedule 45 minutes. No agenda except this:


"I want to understand who you're becoming as a leader, not just how you're performing in your role."


Ask:


• "What identity from your previous role are you still carrying that might not serve you here?"


• "What new leadership identity are you nervous about stepping into?"


• "How can this team hold space for who you're becoming?"


Then—critically—share your own answers first. Model the vulnerability you're asking for.


This isn't therapy. This is recognizing that leadership transitions require identity evolution, and teams that can't hold space for that will always underperform their talent level.


(Pro tip: This conversation will feel awkward the first time. That awkwardness is diagnostic. If you can't have this conversation, you're operating at Level 1-2 trust. Which means you can't do Level 5 work. The math doesn't lie.)


⚡ THE MATURITY SHIFT: FROM COMPETENCE WITHOUT FOUNDATION TO TRUST-BASED TEAM INTELLIGENCE


IMMATURE TEAM INTELLIGENCE:


• Promotes leaders based on technical competence, ignores trust capacity


• Attempts Level 5 work (change management, conflict transformation) with Level 1-2 trust


• Believes competence creates collaboration


• Confuses "getting along professionally" with psychological safety


• Optimizes for efficient meetings over authentic relationships


• Measures team health by completed initiatives, not trust infrastructure


• Views vulnerability as weakness rather than foundation


MATURE TEAM INTELLIGENCE:


• Develops leaders sequentially through competency levels starting with trust


• Recognizes you cannot skip developmental stages without creating fragility


• Knows trust creates the conditions where competence becomes performance


• Distinguishes "colleagues who collaborate" from "teams that trust each other through seasons"


• Prioritizes identity evolution conversations over performance management


• Measures team health by the "11 PM phone call test" and vulnerability indicators


• Views Building Trust as the oxygen that makes all other competencies possible


The shift isn't about being less professional. It's about being honest that principles without competencies are wishes—and competencies without sequential development are illusions.


Your cabinet doesn't need another initiative. It needs the foundational competency that determines whether any initiative actually works: Building Trust at Level 3 or higher.


Everything else is decoration on a house with no foundation.


P.S. THE FOUNDATION UNDER THE FOUNDATION


I was meeting with a superintendent recently who said something that's stuck with me: "Joe, I've read every leadership book. Attended every conference. My team is credentialed, experienced, and talented. But we're still not clicking. What am I missing?"


I asked him one question: "On a scale of 1-5, where's your cabinet on Building Trust?"


Long pause. Then: "Probably a 2. Maybe a 1.5 if I'm being honest."


"And what level of work are you attempting?"


Another pause. "Change management. Conflict resolution. Developing future leaders. So... Level 5?"


There's your answer.


You cannot skip developmental stages. Leadership competencies build sequentially—each creates the foundation for those that follow.


Attempting Level 5 work with Level 1-2 trust isn't a strategy problem. It's a physics problem.


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💡 "Principles without competencies are wishes—and competencies without sequential development are illusions."

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And here's what I've learned after 25 years of this work, grounded in principles that go way beyond organizational theory: The foundation under the foundation is actually faith.


Not faith as religion forced on secular space. Faith as the recognition that we're building something bigger than our own ambition. That how we lead matters as much as what we achieve. That trust isn't a technique—it's the recognition that we're all navigating uncertainty together, guided by principles beyond self-interest.


I know I'm among friends here who share those values. Who understand that excellent leadership flows from internal alignment with something transcendent. Who get that Building Trust isn't manipulation—it's stewarding relationships with the care they deserve.


This fall, we ran Team Institute sessions with campus leadership teams focused specifically on this: Building Trust as the foundational competency that determines everything else. We used the Leader Competency Assessment to help teams see where they actually are (not where they think they are), then gave them sequential tools to develop from Level 1 to Level 4.


The feedback? Teams are finally addressing the real problem instead of decorating around it.


If your cabinet is talented but underperforming, you don't need another strategic planning session. You need to build the trust infrastructure that makes strategy actually work.


New campus teams enroll in the Team Institute each month. We start with Building Trust. We develop sequentially through the seven competencies. We use the Team Intelligence framework to multiply individual development into collective performance.


Want the full Leader Competency Assessment to run with your team? Message me directly or email info@higherperformancegroup.com and I'll send it to you. No cost, no strings—just a tool to help you see where you actually are versus where you're attempting to operate.


If you're interested in what Team Institute might look like for your team, let's have a conversation about where your team is and where sequential development could take you.


But even if you never reach out, do me one favor: Before your next cabinet meeting, honestly assess—Where are we on Building Trust? And what level of work are we attempting?


If there's a gap of 2-3 levels, you just diagnosed your entire performance problem.


The question is: Are you willing to go back to the foundation and build it right?


ONE MORE THING...


If this resonated, I need your help with three things:


1. Repost this with your honest answer: "Where is my team on Building Trust (Level 1-5)? And what level of work are we attempting?" Tag me so I can see your assessment. (The gap between those two numbers tells you everything.)


2. Tag someone on your leadership team who's committed to building from the foundation up—not just decorating around dysfunction. Tell them specifically why you're tagging them.


3. Comment below with this: What's one moment when you realized your team's performance problem was actually a trust problem? What did you do about it? (I read every single comment because your reality shapes what we build next.)


Tag DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group in your repost or comment.


And if you're serious about moving your team from Level 1-2 to Level 3-4 trust, message me about TEAM INSTITUTE enrollment. New cohorts launching monthly. Or email info@higherperformancegroup.com to get the full Leader Competency Assessment for your team.


Most important question: Who on your cabinet would you call at 11 PM? If you can't immediately name 2-3 people, you just found your starting point.


NEXT ISSUE PREVIEW


"The $847,000 Meeting Tax: Why Your Cabinet Is Bleeding Budget in 90-Minute Increments"


You know those weekly cabinet meetings where everyone reports out, but nothing actually gets decided? I ran the numbers. For a typical superintendent cabinet, those meetings cost $847,000 annually when you calculate salary, prep time, and opportunity cost.


That's not a meeting problem. That's a TEAM INTELLIGENCE deficit costing you nearly a million dollars a year.

(Spoiler: The highest-performing cabinets meet half as often and decide twice as fast. We'll break down exactly how they do it.)


See you next week. Keep building from the foundation up.


—Joe



P.S. - If this issue helped you see something differently, take 10 seconds to repost it with your biggest takeaway. Your network needs this too.


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Decisions get made but somehow lack the specificity needed for implementation, which is how you end up with "strategic priorities" that mean different things to different people and somehow create more work for teachers/faculty who definitely didn't ask for another initiative. In K-12: Building principals leave with three different interpretations of the same directive, and by the time it reaches teachers, it's basically telephone. In higher ed: Deans leave with enough ambiguity to interpret the decision in whatever way least disrupts their college, and by the time it reaches faculty, nobody's sure what was actually decided. This isn't collaboration. This is collaborative fan fiction. Everyone's writing their own ending and hoping it somehow aligns. Meanwhile, your board is asking why implementation is slow, your community is wondering why nothing changes, and your front-line educators are experiencing leadership as a series of contradictory messages that all claim to be "strategic." The actual meeting fails because you've optimized for harmony over clarity. Your team has high individual EQ but low collective EQ. They can each read a room. They've never learned to build a room together where truth-telling doesn't feel dangerous. Repost this if your last cabinet meeting made decisions that still need "clarification." 3. THE POST-MEETING MEETING: Where Decisions Go to Be Reinterpreted This is my personal favorite because it's so predictable you could set your calendar by it. Within 47 minutes of your cabinet meeting ending, someone will ping you to "clarify something." That something is never a clarification. It's a renegotiation. They're reopening what seemed closed because it was never actually closed—it was just ambiguous enough that everyone could leave the meeting believing their interpretation won. THE POST-MEETING PATTERN: Tuesday, 12:30 PM: CFO wants to "clarify budget implications." Tuesday, 2:15 PM: CAO has "concerns they didn't want to raise in front of everyone." Wednesday, 9:00 AM: VP "interprets the decision differently." Thursday, 3:30 PM: You're explaining to the next layer of leadership what was "decided." The post-meeting meeting exists because your team lacks Perspective Intelligence. Nobody's clear on who has decision rights about what. So everything feels like it needs consensus, which means nothing ever gets truly decided, which means the decision-making process becomes an infinite loop of meetings about meetings about meetings. If your PQ were functioning, people would know: "This is my decision domain. This is your decision domain. Here's where they intersect and how we coordinate." Instead, everyone's domain is "strategic leadership," which practically means everyone has opinions about everything and decision rights about nothing. In K-12, this creates a phenomenon in which superintendents make district-level decisions that principals then "adapt" for their buildings, resulting in teachers experiencing inconsistent leadership. In higher ed: This creates the phenomenon where presidents make institutional decisions that provosts then "contextualize" for academic affairs, which deans then "interpret" for their colleges, which department chairs then... you get the idea. By the time it reaches the classroom, nobody's sure what the original decision was. Tag your cabinet member who's best at "clarifying" decisions after meetings (do it cowardly—don't name what they're actually doing). THE CASE STUDY: Marcus and the 14-Hour Miracle Let me tell you about a leader I'll call Marcus (not his real name, but Marcus, your former CFO absolutely knows this story is about you two and is probably smirking right now). Marcus led a mid-sized institution—a regional public university that could just as easily have been a suburban school district of 8,000 students dealing with declining enrollment, rising costs, and a board asking increasingly uncomfortable questions about efficiency. His cabinet: 7 people with an average of 19 years in education. Combined credentials that could stock a small academic conference. Combined ability to make a decision without three meetings? Roughly equivalent to a committee asked to choose pizza toppings while honoring everyone's dietary restrictions and also addressing systemic inequity in pizza distribution. Before we worked together, Marcus's calendar was a crime scene. I'm talking 23 hours per week in cabinet-related meetings. Not including the "quick syncs" that somehow always took 40 minutes. Not including the "can we talk about Tuesday" messages that turned into strategy sessions in the parking lot. Not including the time spent translating cabinet decisions to the next layer of leadership who would then need their own meetings to process what leadership decided. His team wasn't lazy. They were meeting themselves to death. They'd have the Monday cabinet meeting. Then, on Tuesday morning, his CFO would "want to clarify the budget implications." Tuesday afternoon, his Chief Academic Officer would "need to discuss how this affects instructional priorities / academic programs." Wednesday, his VP of Advancement would "have concerns about community perception" (in K-12, substitute "Director of Communications" worried about parent reaction). By Thursday, Marcus was re-meeting about Monday's meeting while preparing for the following Monday's meeting. By Friday, he was exhausted and wondering why leadership felt more like crisis management than strategic direction. His team had an average TEAM INTELLIGENCE score of 4.2 out of 10. For context, that's the score where teams are technically functioning but primarily through heroic individual effort and way too many meetings. High IQ (9.1 average). Catastrophically low EQ (3.8 collective). And a PQ configuration that made about as much sense as their parking situation (which, coincidentally, also frustrated everyone daily). Then Marcus did something radical: He killed the pre-meetings. Not by policy. You can't policy your way out of a trust problem. He did it by creating conditions in which pre-meetings became unnecessary. His team took the TEAM INTELLIGENCE assessment (results were humbling—to quote his CFO: "Well, this explains why I schedule all those 'alignment conversations'"). His team wasn't lazy. They were meeting themselves to death. They built a shared language for disagreement (turns out you can just... disagree in meetings if you've practiced how to do it productively first). They clarified decision rights so people stopped feeling like everything needed consensus (spoiler: most things don't need consensus, they need a clear decision-maker and good communication after). Six months later: Same people. Same challenges. Same budget constraints and enrollment pressures. 61% fewer meetings. They still had cabinet meetings. But those meetings became actual decision-making sessions instead of performance art. They still had hard conversations. But those conversations happened IN the meeting, not in the shadow government of pre- and post-meetings surrounding it. Decisions got made with clarity. Implementation happened faster. Teachers/faculty experienced leadership as more coherent. The board stopped asking, "Why does everything take so long?" His calendar went from 23 hours of cabinet meetings per week to 9. That's 14 hours back per week. That's 588 hours per year. That's 3.5 months of 40-hour workweeks. Marcus got back by teaching his team to think together instead of preparing to perform. The difference? They stopped optimizing for comfort and started optimizing for clarity. Revolutionary? No. Obvious? Yes. Common? Based on the data from 987 leadership teams across K-12 and higher ed—absolutely not. Now, if you're thinking, "this makes perfect sense, but how do I actually facilitate this conversation with my team next Tuesday without it turning into another meeting about meetings?"—I get it. That's the gap between insight and implementation. This is what The GROUP is for. Each week, I turn the newsletter topic into a Leader CORE Lesson and Guide: facilitation notes, discussion prompts, the Meeting Audit tool, team exercises for building disagreement infrastructure, diagnostic questions—everything you need to lead your team through this content without spending Sunday night building materials from scratch. It's free (because I'm not going to charge you to solve a problem that's already costing you half a million dollars annually), built for busy leaders who need practical resources —not more theory —and designed for Monday morning meetings when you're already exhausted from last week's meeting cascade. Grab this week's guide: But if you join The GROUP or not, here's what you'll be able to implement immediately... THE APPLICATION: What To Do Monday Morning (Assuming you survived last week's meeting marathon and aren't currently hiding in your car eating lunch alone to avoid more "quick syncs") Step 1: The Meeting Audit (20 minutes) At your next cabinet meeting, put this on the agenda: "Before we dive into today's topics, let's do a 10-minute mapping exercise. Everyone, take out your calendar. Count the hours you spent last week in: pre-meetings for cabinet decisions, the actual cabinet meeting, and post-meetings clarifying cabinet decisions. Include the 'quick chats' and 'alignment conversations.' Be honest—nobody's grading this except your own calendar." Then go around the room. Say your numbers out loud. Add them up. If the total is under 30 hours for your whole team, you're doing better than 73% of leadership teams (congrats, you can skip the rest of this newsletter and go actually lead something). If it's 40-60 hours, you're average (which in this context means "acceptably dysfunctional"). If it's over 60 hours, you have a yacht-sized problem (see opening paragraph). Now multiply that weekly total by 42 working weeks. Then multiply by your team's average fully-loaded compensation rate (salary + benefits, divided by 2,080 working hours per year). That number you just calculated? That's not your collaboration investment. That's your collaboration tax. And unlike your actual taxes, this one is optional. (If someone says, "But we NEED all these meetings to stay aligned," you've just identified who benefits most from the current system. Usually, it's the person with the lowest collective EQ who's compensating with individual relationship management. We love them. They're exhausting. We'll address this in Step 3.) Step 2: The Trust Diagnostic (15 minutes, uncomfortable but worth it) Still in that same meeting, ask this question: "On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable are you disagreeing with someone in this room during our meetings—not in a pre-meeting, not in a post-meeting, but in the actual meeting when the whole team is present?" Write down your own answer first. Then go around the room. If everyone says 8+, somebody's lying (probably the person who scheduled three pre-meetings last week). If answers differ by more than 4 points, you don't share a common understanding of your team's emotional infrastructure. If anyone says below 5, you've just identified why the pre-meetings exist. If your K-12 principals or higher ed deans are giving answers different from those of your central office/administrative team, you've identified a systemic problem—trust doesn't cascade; it has to be built at every level. Here's the thing about trust in teams: It's not built through retreats or trust falls or that time you did an escape room and technically escaped, but Susan will NEVER forgive Brad for not listening to the red herrings. Trust is built through successfully navigating disagreement together. Your team doesn't trust each other because they've never practiced disagreeing productively. So they've created an elaborate system of side conversations to avoid disagreement entirely. You can't policy your way out of this. You have to practice your way through it. Step 3: The Decision Rights Map (30 minutes in next meeting) This is where you fix the PQ dysfunction that's causing half your post-meetings. Create a simple chart with three columns: MY DECISION (I decide, I inform you) OUR DECISION (We decide together, consensus required) YOUR DECISION (You decide, you inform me) Then list your top 10 most common decision types. In K-12: budget reallocation, curriculum adoption, staffing changes, facility use, discipline policies, community communication, and program modifications. In higher ed: budget reallocation, academic program changes, enrollment strategy shifts, policy updates, resource distribution, faculty matters, student services changes. Go through each one. Assign it to a column. Watch the discomfort happen when people realize they've been treating "Your Decision" items like "Our Decision" items, which is why everything takes three meetings and someone's always unhappy. If more than 40% of items land in "Our Decision," you have a consensus addiction problem. Leadership teams that require consensus for everything make zero decisions quickly. They make elaborate compromises slowly. There's a difference. And while you're compromising, your teachers are waiting for clarity, your faculty are wondering if anyone's actually in charge, and your students are experiencing the consequences of slow leadership. The goal: Clarity about who decides what. Not consensus about everything. Not dictatorships about anything. Clarity. So people stop reopening decisions that weren't theirs to make and stop avoiding decisions that are. OBJECTION HANDLING "But we don't have time for this meta-conversation about meetings." You just spent 47 hours last week in meetings ABOUT meetings. You don't have time NOT to have this conversation. Also, this isn't meta. This is the actual work. The strategic planning you keep meeting about? That's the distraction. The real work is building a team that can think together efficiently enough to actually execute the strategy you keep strategizing about. You're not too busy to fix this. You're too busy BECAUSE of this. And while you're busy meeting, enrollment decisions are being made by families who won't wait for your cabinet to align, competitive institutions are moving faster, and your best teachers/faculty are wondering if leadership will ever actually lead. "My team needs those pre-meetings to feel prepared." Your team needs those pre-meetings because they don't feel safe being unprepared in front of each other. That's not a preparation problem. That's a psychological safety problem disguised as professional courtesy. Teams with high collective EQ think out loud together. They bring half-formed ideas to meetings and refine them collectively. They disagree productively and leave aligned. Teams with low collective EQ think separately, prepare extensively, perform agreement publicly, then repair privately. Your team is currently doing the second thing. It's costing you 588 hours per year per leader. The bar for "better" is underground. And the opportunity cost? While you're meeting about meetings, other districts/institutions are outpacing you. Not because they're smarter. Because they're faster. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "We need more meetings to stay aligned." Mature leaders think: "We need better TEAM INTELLIGENCE, so we need fewer meetings." Immature leaders optimize calendar coverage—if it's not on the calendar, it's not important. Mature leaders optimize decision velocity—how fast can we move from question to clarity to action while everyone else is still scheduling pre-meetings? Immature leaders treat pre-meetings as strategic stakeholder management. Mature leaders treat pre-meetings as symptoms of broken team infrastructure that need diagnosis, not optimization. Immature leaders believe slow decision-making demonstrates thoughtfulness. Mature leaders know slow decision-making demonstrates dysfunction (and demonstrates it to everyone who's waiting for leadership to lead—teachers, faculty, students, families, boards, communities). The difference is the difference between managing around your team's limitations and eliminating those limitations. One makes you busy. One makes you effective. One gives you a calendar that looks impressive in screenshots. One gives you time, actually, to lead while the world keeps changing around you. The meeting about the meeting isn't a best practice. It's a red flag wrapped in Outlook invites. And unlike your actual challenges (enrollment shifts, budget pressures, political polarization making every decision feel like navigating landmines, AI disrupting everything, including how you're supposed to lead), this one is 100% fixable. Today. By you. With your team. Your Turn How many hours did YOU spend last week in pre-meetings, actual meetings, and post-meetings for cabinet decisions? Bonus points if you can calculate what that costs in actual dollars using your fully-loaded compensation rate. Double bonus points if you can calculate what that time could have been spent on instead—instructional leadership, strategic thinking, community building, literally anything that serves students instead of serving meeting culture. Drop a comment. Tag the cabinet member who schedules the most pre-meetings (do it cowardly—tag them without naming what they do). Or screenshot this and text it to your entire cabinet with the subject line "Wednesday's agenda just changed." Found value in this? Help other educational leaders discover it: → Repost this with your calculated meeting tax number → Tag a leader who lives in pre-meeting purgatory → Comment with your most absurd "quick sync" story—your story helps others feel less alone The more leaders shift from meeting about meetings to actually making decisions, the better our educational systems become. And given everything happening in education right now—political pressure, financial constraints, enrollment uncertainty, technology disruption—we need leaders who can actually lead, not leaders stuck in meeting purgatory while the world changes around them. Follow @Dr. Joe Hill and @Higher Performance Group for weekly # TEAM INTELLIGENCE insights. Next Issue: "Your Strategic Plan Has Group Project Energy (And Everyone's Doing Their Part Wrong)" We'll explore why your five-year vision feels like that college group project where everyone submitted their section without reading anyone else's, the bibliography has three different citation formats, and somehow you still got a B- because the professor gave up grading it halfway through. Spoiler: You're not having a strategic alignment problem. You're having a "nobody read the Google Doc instructions" problem, and someone keeps editing it without track changes while another person is still working in the old version they downloaded to their desktop three weeks ago. P.S. If you're thinking "I don't have time to turn this newsletter into a facilitation plan for Tuesday's cabinet meeting"—I already did it for you. The GROUP is a free community where every newsletter becomes a ready-to-deploy Leader CORE Lesson and Guide. This week's implementation guide includes: · The Meeting Audit tool · The Trust Diagnostic script · The Decision Rights Map template · Facilitation notes for navigating the discomfort · Discussion prompts for the inevitable "but we're different" objections · Plus adaptations for both K-12 and higher ed contexts Because a superintendent's cabinet operates differently from a university president's cabinet, and the guide honors both. Join The GROUP here - it's free! Think of it as the Costco version of team development. You buy in bulk (one membership, unlimited resources). You save money and time. And unlike Costco, you won't leave with a kayak you don't need and 47 pounds of muffins you'll never finish. Plus, you get access to hundreds of educational leaders across K-12 and higher ed who are also trying to escape meeting hell and understand why their calendar looks like a game of Tetris designed by someone who hates them.  The implementation guides save you hours. The peer conversations? Those might save your sanity and possibly your marriage (because you'll stop working until 9 PM to "catch up" from all the meetings).
By HPG Info October 21, 2025
When the words sound right, but something still feels off I watched Jimmy Kimmel's apology three times before I realized he never actually apologized. 73% of public apologies fail to restore trust—not because people are unforgiving, but because the apologies were never real. Here's how to spot the difference (and why it matters for every leader reading this). What separates real remorse from performative damage control? Here's my confession: When Jimmy Kimmel issued his apology following controversial comments about Charlie Kirk's assassination, I watched it the morning it dropped and thought, "Okay, this guy gets it." I'm a raging moderate with no dog in this fight—I think Kimmel's a talented comedian, late-night TV is harmless background noise, and political tribalism is exhausting everyone equally. So I gave him a mental fist bump and moved on. Then I watched it again. And again. And something started feeling off. By the third viewing, I realized I'd been played. Not by malice. By masterclass-level reputation management dressed up as genuine remorse. And that's when this turned from "good for him" into a case study every leader needs to understand. The uncomfortable truth: Most of us have done some version of this performative apology. I know I have. Because, whether you're apologizing to your team, your partner, or a national audience, the gap between "sorry" and actually sorry is where trust goes to die. Let's dissect what happened—not as political commentary, but as adults who've had to apologize without a communications team smoothing out the uncomfortable parts. THE DIAGNOSIS: WHY MOST APOLOGIES FAIL Let's talk about this like adults who've had to issue apologies that actually cost us something. You know the drill. You mess up. Badly. The kind of mess-up where you can feel the weight of it in your chest before you've even processed what happened. People are hurt. Rightfully angry. And now you have to face it. Here's where most of us split into two camps: Camp A: You grab your phone at 2 AM, draft seventeen versions of an apology that get progressively more defensive, delete them all, and eventually post something that leads with "I'm sorry you felt..." (Translation: Your feelings are inconvenient to me right now.) Camp B: You sit in the discomfort long enough to realize what you actually did wrong, own it completely, and accept that some people might not forgive you even after you apologize correctly. Most of us live in Camp A because it's cheaper. Emotionally, politically, professionally. But cheap apologies cost you everything that actually matters: trust, respect, and the ability to lead when it counts. We want the pain to stop. We want to be understood. We want people to know we're not bad people who did a bad thing—we're good people who made a mistake. But here's what nobody tells you: Real apologies require admitting you were wrong about something you thought you were right about. And that's psychologically expensive in a way that "I'm sorry you felt hurt" will never be. This is what happened with Kimmel's apology. It had all the aesthetic elements of accountability—emotion, acknowledgment, vulnerability. But when you strip away the performance, what remains is a textbook example of reputation management. And the worst part? It almost worked on me. I wanted to believe it. Because believing it would be easier than confronting the uncomfortable truth: We've all done some version of this. Quick question before we continue: What's your default apology phrase when you're not actually owning it? Mine was "I'm sorry you felt..." Drop it in the comments—I'm curious if we all have the same tells. THE FRAMEWORK: THE 4 ELEMENTS OF GENUINE APOLOGY Call this the Accountability Architecture. Or don't. It'll still explain why that apology you issued last month landed like a lead balloon, even though you "said all the right things." 1. Specific Ownership Without Caveats A genuine apology names the actual harm you caused. Not the harm you intended. Not the harm people perceived. The actual harm. What fraud sounds like: "I'm sorry if anyone was offended by my comments." What genuine sounds like: "I said [specific thing]. That was wrong because [specific harm it caused]." The test: Can you state what you did wrong without using "but," "however," or "though"? If not, you're still defending yourself rather than apologizing. The Kimmel example: In his original monologue, Kimmel said "we've hit new lows" and explicitly stated that "MAGA is desperately trying to paint the picture that this shooter was..." implying right-wing motivation. When facts revealed the shooter was motivated by left-wing, anti-American sentiment, Kimmel needed to own: "I blamed the wrong people on national television." What he said instead: "It was never my intention to blame any specific group." But... it was. Everyone who watched knew it was. That was literally the point of the monologue. This is where apologies die—in the gap between what you actually did and what you're willing to admit you did. 2. Impact Over Intent Your intent doesn't erase impact. This one's hard because we're all heroes in our own stories. If you step on someone's foot, whether you meant to or not, their foot still hurts. What fraud sounds like: "It was never my intention to cause pain." What genuine sounds like: "Regardless of my intent, my actions caused [specific harm]. That's on me." The Kimmel example: He opened with "it was never my intention to make light of the murder" and "nor was it my intention to blame any specific group." But leading with intent asks the hurt party to comfort you about your good intentions while they're still dealing with your bad impact. That's not accountability. That's emotional outsourcing. A genuine version would flip it: "My comments blamed an entire group of people for this assassination. That was wrong and harmful, regardless of what I intended." 3. No Blame Shifting or Gaslighting This is where Kimmel's apology completely fell apart for me on the third viewing. What fraud sounds like: "I'm sorry some people felt I was pointing fingers." What genuine sounds like: "I pointed fingers. I was wrong." The Kimmel example: "I understand that to some that felt either ill-timed or unclear, or maybe both, and for those who think I did point a finger, I get why you're upset." Wait. "For those who THINK I did"? No. He DID. On camera. To millions. "MAGA is desperately trying..." wasn't ambiguous. It wasn't a perception issue. This is textbook gaslighting—making people question what they clearly observed. And gaslighting in an apology causes more damage than the original offense because now you're saying: "The thing I did wasn't that bad AND you're crazy for thinking it was." 4. Name the Name (The Humanization Principle) Here's the subtle tell that convinced me this wasn't genuine: Kimmel never said "Charlie Kirk." He apologized for making light of "the murder of a young man." Not Charlie Kirk. Just... a young man. Why this matters: Saying someone's name is an act of recognition. It's the difference between abstract harm (easy to minimize) and human harm (forces you to confront actual cost). By refusing to say "Charlie Kirk," Kimmel avoided being associated with a positive statement toward someone whose politics he opposes. It was a calculated omission that prioritized brand positioning over genuine acknowledgment. This isn't about politics. This is about basic human dignity. When you refuse to say someone's name in an apology about harm done to them, you're telling everyone watching: "My brand matters more than their humanity." That calculation might protect your image. It destroys your credibility. Whether you agree with Charlie Kirk's politics or not is completely irrelevant. The man was murdered. He deserves to be named in an apology about comments made following his assassination. This applies to every apology: Use people's names. Make it personal. Because the harm was personal. WHY THIS MATTERS FOR LEADERS (AND THE TEAMS WHO DEPEND ON THEM) Here's what nobody tells you: The way you apologize doesn't just affect you—it cascades through your entire organization. When leaders issue performative apologies, they're not just protecting their reputation. They're teaching their teams that accountability is optional, that impact doesn't matter as much as intent, and that political calculation beats genuine ownership. Your team is watching. Your cabinet is taking notes. And whether you realize it or not, you're modeling what "accountability" means in your culture. Leaders who apologize genuinely—who own specific harm without caveats, who prioritize impact over intent, who refuse to gaslight what happened—build cultures where trust compounds. Where people can admit mistakes without career risk. Where "I was wrong" doesn't signal weakness, it signals strength. Leaders who apologize performatively build cultures where everyone optimizes for reputation management instead of relationship repair. Where politics matter more than truth. Where trust erodes one careful, calculated statement at a time. The question isn't just "did I apologize correctly?" The question is: "What did I just teach my team about accountability?" THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature apologizers think: "I need to explain my side so they understand I'm not a bad person." Mature apologizers think: "I need to own my impact so they understand I see the harm I caused." Immature apologizers spend energy protecting their self-image. Mature apologizers spend it repairing relationships. Immature apologizers hire communications specialists to craft statements that are "politically mostly right with the human touch of being mostly wrong." Mature apologizers sit in the discomfort until they know what they actually need to own. The difference is the difference between reputation management and genuine accountability. One is about you. One is about them. Here's what a genuine Kimmel apology would have sounded like: "In my monologue last week, I said MAGA was desperately trying to deflect blame for Charlie Kirk's assassination, and I implied the shooter was motivated by right-wing ideology. I was wrong. The shooter was motivated by left-wing, anti-American sentiment. I falsely accused millions of people and dishonored Charlie Kirk's memory by making his death about my political perspective. I'm sorry. I own what I said—not how it was received." Uncomfortable? Yes. Vulnerable? Absolutely. Genuine? That's the point. Your turn: Think about the last time you apologized. Honest assessment—were you apologizing to end your discomfort or to repair the harm? What's your caveat tell? The word or phrase you always use when you're apologizing but not really owning it? Drop a comment with your caveat tell. Or screenshot this and send it to someone who needs to see it—maybe because they owe you a real apology, or maybe because you owe them one. The 24-hour challenge: Think of one apology you need to give (or one you've accepted that wasn't real). Apply this framework. See what changes. Accountability is a practice, not a performance. This is where it starts. P.S. The hardest apologies are the ones where you have to admit you were completely wrong about something you were certain you were right about. Those are also the ones that matter most. That's where character gets built—in the gap between who you thought you were and who your impact revealed you to be. Found this helpful? Share it with someone who needs to understand the difference between "sorry" and actually sorry: → Repost with your biggest takeaway → Tag someone who needs this framework → Comment with your apology failure story (we all have one) Want to lead accountability conversations your team actually respects?  This framework isn't just for analyzing public apologies—it's for building cultures where genuine accountability becomes the norm, not the exception. higherperformancegroup.com
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