Higher Performance Insights | The Story of Two Voices
There's the voice you use with friends, and there's the voice you use with yourself.
One is generous, wise, and sees the whole picture.
The other... not so much.
Dr. David Burns met a carpenter named Frank, who was painting his house. Frank was good at what he did. Really good. Never had a complaint. Never cut corners. The kind of craftsman who makes the world better through honest work. [1]
But Frank was suffering. "I'm getting old," he said, fighting tears. "I've never done anything meaningful."
Here's the thing: Frank would never say that to a friend. Never.
If his friend Tom came to him with the same story, Frank would immediately point out:
- You've built a life of integrity
- You've created security for your family
- You've mastered a craft that matters
- You've helped countless people make their homes better
The gap between these two voices? That's where our suffering lives.
The magic happens when we learn to treat ourselves with the same grace we extend to others. Not as a feel-good exercise but a way to see the truth more clearly.
Because our thoughts create our feelings, and when those thoughts turn dark, they're usually lying to us.
This isn't about positive thinking. It's about accurate thinking.
The next time you hear that harsh inner voice, ask yourself: "What would I say to a friend?"
Then listen to that voice instead. [2]
Because that voice? It's telling the truth.
And the truth, as always, sets us free.
Footnotes
[1] Feeling Great: The Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety by Dr. David Burns.
[2] Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by Dr. David Burns.
Team Discussion Question
How does our team culture encourage or inhibit members from sharing their professional self-doubts? What practices could help us create the same supportive environment we naturally offer friends?
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