Why Are Humans On The Offensive With Each Other? (5 Reasons Rage Is the New Epidemic)

April 12, 2022

Our culture is changing at breakneck speed.


One of the things that appears to be changing most rapidly is how deeply we seem to dislike each other. Election cycles and global pandemics only push this reality into warp speed.


My social channels used to be a bit more fun. Recently, it seems like my feed has been corrupted by an endless drone of suspicion-fueled anger spawning outrage and division.


It’s almost like you can’t be American without a growler full of outrage.


And why does it have to be so personal?


I’ve stopped following some (including family members) because it’s just become so nutty.


So, how did we end up this way?


Is there anything that you and I can do about it?


Well, let’s start here. Even though it might feel like everybody’s angry, let’s agree…It’s not everyone.


Like you and other thinker leaders, I’m trying to carve out space to hang with other smart and healthy people on the internet to honestly share opinions without jumping all over each other.


While that’s what I’m committed to, it’s not always that simple.


It’s Brewing IN All Of Us


The problem, of course, is more nuanced than simply blaming other people and walking away. I feel the spirit of this age increasingly brewing inside ME as well.


I’m an INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.


Being an INFJ means that on my good days, I want to save the world. On my bad days, under stress and pressure, there is a bad public news story waiting to happen.


I can move quickly from mild-mannered Dr. Bruce Banner to the uncontrollable green monster powered by rage when my value buttons are pushed.


As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn wrote:


If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. 


Doesn’t that sting a little?


Why are we all a little (or a lot) irate? Is this inevitable?


There are some surprising things that fuel anger and there are more than a few reasons that rage is the new epidemic.


1. Online Accelerates Aggression


People say and do things online they aren’t comfy doing in real life. Not only do we try to manicure our image to look better, unless we work hard at it, you and I are more naturally aggressive, more divisive, and more hostile virtually than we are in person.

The question is why?


The answer? Because we’re kind of anonymous on-line.


Distance between people desensitizes people.


Military Generals have known this for millennia. Have you ever wondered why soldiers wear uniforms and war paint? It not only identifies a person, but disguises one’s humanity.


Before you judge a soldier, think of how you behave in your own vehicle. Are you more aggressive there than normal (like tailgating the slow movers in the passing lane)?


Because you’re in a 3000-pound armored automobile, you don’t see the person slowing you down as a person. Rather, you see IT as a problem. It’s very easy to get angry and aggressive with IT when they are not seen as people.


Have another think... Even in the supermarket, I’m less kind when I have a shopping cart in my hands, and I bet I’m not alone here.


The same dynamic is at work in social media and our life online.


When you’re online, the meta-machinery is becoming such an easy space to dehumanize others we don’t see as other.


Bottom line? It’s never been easier to be socially known and hidden at the same time.


2. Hate Generates More Clicks Than Love


Long before the endless fake-news arguments of today, TV news and newspaper editors figured out that bad news sells. They learned how to play into our anxiety and fear to get ratings. The 24-hour news cycle and explosion of new media have accelerated those attention-grabbing tendencies.


Social media has put that tendency on steroids. Tristan Harris makes a compelling argument that algorithms used by search engines and social media intentionally prioritize outrage, because, as Harris argues, the major social and tech companies have figured out that outrage spreads faster than anything that would be uplifting and productive.


Here’s what’s sadly true about human nature, or at least human nature in the 21st century: Hate generates more clicks than love.


I’ll admit. I personally struggle with this as a writer. I’m committed to making this blog and my platform places of inspiration, hope, and help.


But I’ve also realized that if I title things positively, not everybody reads it.


For example, I could have called this post “Love Each Other More. Our World Needs It.” 


But “Why Are Humans On The Offensive With Each Other? (5 Reasons Rage Is the New Epidemic) is a much more compelling headline. I’ve experimented with titles enough to know that this phenomenon is sadly true. So, I use a little negative to generate far more positive.


When I title posts and articles, I avoid hate, outrage, and (I hope) sensationalism, but the irony isn’t lost on me that leading with a negative title means a higher likelihood that my content will be read. My typical structure is to lead with the problem most people feel or experience, describe it, and move toward a practical solution.


Hope, followed by help.


3. Any Attention Feels Better Than None


Thanks to technology, there’s an inverse trend happening around us.


We’ve never been more connected than we are today, and we’ve never felt more alone.


In 2018, the British government launched the first-ever loneliness strategy, appointing a minister for loneliness to deal with the deep isolation millions of people feel.


While this isn’t always true, sometimes lonely people will settle for any attention they can get. When you feel nothing, a click, a like or comment can make you feel something, even if it’s not nearly as satisfying as a real conversation, a real connection, or true intimacy.


Sometimes my empathy button is pushed, and I wonder if the trolls who leave me livid comments are genuinely just lonely people just hoping someone notices them.


The next time you’re hoping to get noticed online, put your device down, grab a ball, and retreat to the yard with your dog.


4. Darkness Surrounds Us


Everyone is navigating the flood of information that hits us every day.


From your social media feeds to breaking news flashes to the minute-by-minute invasion of notifications, buzzes, rings, and haptics that disrupt our day, I believe we’re processing more information than humans were intended each day.


This is not good.


I remember my grandparents sharing a newspaper subscription with the next-door neighbor (who lived a quarter of a mile from them). They were perfectly informed with the Friday edition of the weekly newspaper that came out the Wednesday prior.


Now, I have notifications that would literally ping on the minute if I did not silence them telling me up-to-the-minute news of world events, mass shootings, major weather outbreaks, celebrity breakups, and more.


Ditto with emails and status updates. You and I are bombarded every day with information we can barely process, let alone do much about.


Do you know what that’s doing to you?


It’s making you cynical.


Cynicism roots itself in knowledge. The more you and I know, the more cynical we can become. The reason we were so happy when we were younger is that you and I were kind of ignorant, right?


The world needs a character upgrade and a required class in the mature use of social media and how to critically discern news these days.


Might this explain why you feel the way you feel so many days?


5. Anger Invites An Audience, Even When They Have Nothing To Say


What’s the opposite of love? Nope, it’s not hate. It’s indifference.


And when it feels like the world is indifferent and you’re feeling unloved, anger can be a way to get someone’s attention.


Sadly, anger can get you heard, even when you have nothing to say.


So, What Do You Do?


The future can be dark, or it can be different. Personally, I’m putting my heart behind different. And I think different is potentially better.


Here are four questions to ask next time you post, write, blog, podcast, or shoot off that email or text.


  1. What’s my real motive? Am I trying to help, hurt, or just get noticed?

  2. Are people better off, or worse off, for having read what I posted? 

  3. Am I calling out the worst in people, or attempting to call up their best?

  4. If the person I’m writing to was in the room looking me in the eye, would I say the same thing in the same way? 


I’ve found these questions really help me filter my emotions and help me process the difference between a response and a reaction.


Speaking of which, what do you do with the junk you feel—the loneliness, the anger, the outrage?


Here’s the best thing I know how to do: Process privately. Help publicly.


Processing privately can be as simple as meditating on it and waiting 24 hours before you do a thing. Often that’s enough.


Sometimes you’ll need to talk to a friend. Other times you may need to set up a therapist appointment. I’m growing to expect the best and brightest to have regular access to professional coaching/counseling.


After all, the gravitational pull of accidental behavior is always toward unhealthy, not healthy. 


Note: Critique is different from criticism. A critique aims to build others up, not to tear others down. It’s not about NOT challenging others, rather calibrating your approach to both support and challenge with a “For You” intention.


If you can’t figure out how to do that, you’re best not to post anything but cute pictures of that cool dog of yours.



Break Through The Barriers That Prevent Your Campus From Growing.


It can be discouraging to put your heart into your system and team while still seeing it plateau or, worse, decline. But that’s the reality facing many campuses leaders today.


According to one study, 94% of our public institutions aren’t growing. That means more than 9 out of 10 schools, districts, and colleges are stuck or losing ground.


Sadly, people in your community are experiencing widespread polarization and hopelessness, and they need healthy campus leaders more than ever. So, why does keeping people in your schools (much less attracting new learners) feel like such an uphill battle?


It’s time to reverse that trend through pivotal decisions with your leadership team.


Leader and Team Health are significantly connected to the overall strength of your Organization’s Performance. Accelerating Team Performance will prepare you for growth by removing obstacles in your control.


Learn how to navigate the Six Lead Measures of Organizational Health that will inject clarity and direction into your mission and help remove the barriers that stand between you and advancing your mission.


_____


P.S. Here are the two best ways I can help you right now:


1) Get your FREE guide:
5 Evidence-Based Practices to Reclaim More Team Engagement with Less Effort.  www.higherperformancegroup.com/reclaim


2) Schedule a Call:
Let’s talk about the obstacles (and opportunities) that you & your team are currently facing. www.higherperformancegroup.com/schedule




More Blog Articles

By HPG Info • October 28, 2026
For college presidents, superintendents, and their leadership teams: a 25-minute exercise for your next meeting. Open your website and read the first five sentences out loud. Count how many start with “we” or “our.” Then count how many start with a student’s problem. Write both numbers down. We’ll come back to them. The committee story Here’s how the “we” sentences win. They shout what they're proudest of: the founding year, the ranking, the new residence hall, the one-to-one devices. Every fact is true. Put together, they tell a 17-year-old on a campus tour, or a parent at kindergarten roundup, that the institution is the hero and they’re the audience. The hero and the guide Every story people remember has two roles. The hero has a problem and wants something. The guide shows up with empathy because they understand the problem and authority because they’ve helped others through it. Then the guide gives the hero a plan and steps out of the spotlight. In your story, the student is the hero, and so is the family standing beside them. Every adult is a guide: the president, the advisor who walks a nervous sophomore to her first job shadow, the bus driver who knows every kid’s name by October. Get those roles right, and your messaging and your service both start from the same place: the student’s problem. Why this matters now WICHE projects that the number of U.S. high school graduates will peak in 2025 and fall 13% by 2041. Fewer students and families will be choosing among more options, and they’ll trust the campus or district that sounds like it understands them. Students also tell us what they remember. In 2014, Gallup and Purdue surveyed more than 30,000 college graduates. For those who had a professor who cared about them as a person, one who made them excited to learn, and a mentor who encouraged their dreams, their odds of being engaged at work more than doubled. Only 14% had all three. What students remember is being known. That’s guide work, and it starts long before college. Three guide moves Start with their problem. Lead with the questions families are really asking: Will I belong? Will someone know my name? Can we afford this? Is my kid safe here? In service, start the first advising meeting or parent-teacher conference with “What’s hardest for you right now?” Show empathy, then authority. Say you understand, then prove you’ve helped someone like them. One real student story, told with permission, does more than a page of rankings. Give a plan and a picture of success. Three clear steps, and what life looks like a year from now. Every student should be able to name their next step and the adult who has their back. One guardrail: say only what’s true in every building. When Clinton-Massie Local Schools in Ohio had to make cuts after a failed levy, the Superintendent David Moss wrote to families, “The unfortunate reality is that this is a reduction in service.” Families follow a guide who tells them the truth. Take this into your next leadership team meeting (25 minutes) The card (5 minutes). Give everyone an index card with one question: “A student or family asks why they should choose us. What do you tell them?” Sixty seconds, no talking. The sort (5 minutes). Read the cards out loud. Make two piles: cards that start with the student, and cards that start with us. The conversation (10 minutes). Which card would a student or parent actually remember? Where do our website, our tours and our first weeks put us in the spotlight? What do we promise that we can’t yet deliver everywhere? Who on our team already acts like a guide, and what could the rest of us copy? The commitment (5 minutes). Pick one message (a homepage line, a tour script or a welcome letter) and one service moment (orientation, the first week or the first conference). Rewrite both before your next meeting, and assign an owner to each. Then run the five-sentence test again and see if your numbers moved. Where this goes next If your cards came back with eight different answers, you’ve found your team’s real work. The average team performs at less than 60% of its potential (MIT and HPG research), and most of that gap lives in how talented leaders think, decide, and act together. The Team Accelerator is a monthly development experience built to close that gap for a president’s or superintendent’s whole leadership team. It starts where your index cards left off, with the Team Intelligence (TQ) Assessment , so your team can see how it works today. From there: The TQ Advantage Workshop gives your leaders one shared language. Each leader gets a Natural Leadership Profile and a 1:1 with me. Three workshops build Trust, Empowerment, and Collaboration , in the order they grow. Dr. Amy Diaz, EdD , president of GateWay Community College , put it this way: “GateWay’s breakthrough came from intentional work on team cohesion.” If the card exercise showed you a gap, let’s talk about it. Book 30 minutes with me. Know someone who runs a leadership team meeting? Forward this to them. Turn high-performing leaders into a HIGHER-PERFORMING TEAM Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group
By HPG Info • October 20, 2026
Your cabinet is running on countdown math. The leaders who last the longest stopped counting. Sometime this week, in a cabinet meeting somewhere, a smart and decent leader said the most common sentence in American education: "We just have to get to Thanksgiving." On campus it's "We just have to get through census day." Anyone who has sat in the chair has said some version of it. There's an old story from the prisoner-of-war camps in Vietnam. The men who told themselves, "We'll be out by Christmas," often didn't make it. Christmas came and went, then Easter, then another Christmas, and each missed date took something out of them that never came back. The men who held up best had stopped setting dates. They built their days around what they could do inside the walls, and then they did it again the next day. Your district office is not a prison camp. (Though some of you have sat through a budget work session that came close.) The pattern underneath is the same, and it's quietly running most of the cabinets I work with. We've tied our people's energy, morale, and sense of meaning to finish lines we don't control. Below: why arrival never feels the way it was promised, what one prisoner did every morning for seven years that kept him whole, and a two-minute test that tells you whether your team's biggest initiative is still alive. THE DIAGNOSIS · THE FINISH-LINE ECONOMY Count the "just get to" sentences your team says in a normal year. August to Thanksgiving is about 13 weeks. Then four weeks to winter break, roughly 11 to spring break, six to state testing, and six more to June. That's 40 weeks. You've scheduled the entire year as a waiting room. Higher ed runs the same clock under different names: census day, the deposit deadline, the legislative session, the accreditation visit, commencement. The vocabulary changes. The countdown stays. Inside the cabinet it sounds like this. "Once the strategic plan is adopted, things will settle down." "After November, we can finally breathe." "When the new provost starts, the academic side will calm down." Every one of those sentences borrows today's energy against a date that a voter, a search committee, a legislature, or an accreditor controls. Call it the Finish-Line Economy. A cabinet runs its morale on credit and promises to pay it back on arrival. Arrival never pays in full. People are wired to feel a short burst of joy at a win and then drift back to baseline. Olympic gold medalists are the famous case: a striking number fall into depression within weeks of the podium, because the moment they chased for years lasted about a week. (Your referendum passing is not the Olympics. The Wednesday after looks surprisingly similar.) So the finish line comes, the cabinet exhales for a few days, and someone sets the next one. If you're honest, the last three finish lines you crossed probably didn't feel the way you were promised. We also measure what's easy to measure: the vote, the census count, the test scores, the dashboard. Process doesn't fit on a dashboard, so it gets cut first, even though it's where the learning, the judgment, and most of the joy actually come from. Here's the part that should worry every campus leader. Happiness is easy to mistake for a feeling. Feelings are only the evidence. Underneath, well-being research finds three things you can measure and get better at: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Among adults under 35, enjoyment and satisfaction haven't dropped. Meaning has cratered. Those are your newest teachers, your youngest faculty, your rising principals and associate deans. Fun was never their complaint. They want to know why the work matters, and a countdown can't tell them. I know the loneliness of being the one who sets the countdown. Everyone in the room is watching you to find out when it gets better, and you're running out of dates. (This is the gap THE TEAM INSTITUTE was built to close. Most leadership development hands the top leader a sharper plan for the next finish line. Across 987 leadership teams , the cabinets that held up under pressure built something different: a shared way of working that makes the work matter on an ordinary Tuesday, whatever the vote or the enrollment number did. A team can learn that. It takes eight months of practice, and I'll come back to it at the end.) TQ IMPLICATION → Finish lines are an IQ product. A smart team can always produce a better plan with a better date on it. Meaning comes from the other two factors. EQ is the shared language that lets a team make sense of a hard week together. PQ is the perceptual accuracy to notice when the room has gone quiet behind the slide deck. TQ = IQ × EQ × PQ. Let meaning drift toward zero and every new plan multiplies into another countdown. So what do the teams that hold up actually do differently? Four things, and none of them requires a retreat. THE FRAMEWORK · COUNT REPS, NOT DAYS Call this Count Reps, Not Days. It moves a cabinet's energy off dates it can't control and back onto work it can. You can teach it to your team in a minute: set a heading, own the reps, name the why, get curious about the detour. 1. Set a heading. Let go of the date. Sailors plot a rhumb line, a straight course from harbor to destination. Every sailor also knows the boat won't stay on it. Wind and current push you off all day, and the line still matters, because it tells you which way to correct. A goal does the same job for a cabinet. "Pass the referendum" is a hope with a date attached. "Hold 40 listening sessions across every attendance area by February" is a heading your team controls. Keep the aim, and stop treating arrival as the reward. (This is why your strategic plan has a gorgeous vision page and a Gantt chart nobody has opened since the board adopted it.) 2. Own the reps. Here's the prisoner I promised you. Facing years as a political prisoner, he made three commitments before he turned himself in. Every day he would do something for his body, something for his mind, and something for his spirit. He prayed with gratitude for whatever was in front of him that day, a strip of sky through the window, a bird going past, and stopped praying for release. He served seven years, much of it in solitary confinement, and walked out without lasting trauma. Prisoners around him who had pinned their hope to a release date were broken by it. A cabinet's reps are smaller and just as daily. One honest debrief after every board meeting. One conversation a week about a decision that went wrong, held before anyone assigns blame. One teaching rep, where a cabinet member walks the team through something they're still learning. (Reps are also the first thing cut from a busy agenda, right after professional development.) Reps do something else most leaders never think about. Your gut is stored experience: every hard call, every mistake, every recovery, filed somewhere below words. Skip the struggle, hand it to a consultant or a chatbot, and ten years later the shelves are empty. Process is what fills the gut your board is paying for. 3. Name the why, out loud, every week. Meaning has three parts. Coherence is understanding why things happen the way they do. Purpose is knowing where you're headed. Significance is knowing why any of it matters. Countdown cabinets talk almost entirely about purpose: timelines, deliverables, dates. Coherence and significance get skipped because nobody put them on the agenda. That's exactly where your under-35 staff are starving, and if we're being candid, so is your cabinet. Ask anyone about the project they loved most in their career. Almost nobody names the biggest win. They name something that may not have worked at all, where a group of people threw themselves at a hard thing together. People remember the doing, with each other, long after they forget the result. 4. Get curious about the detour. When something goes off plan, cabinets tend to say one of two things. "Oh no." Or, "Huh. What's this, and what can we make of it?" The second response is curiosity, and it's far more teachable than most leaders assume. Somewhere between 40 and 80 percent of our emotional wiring is inherited, which leaves 20 to 60 percent shaped by environment. In a cabinet, the top leader sets most of that environment. It helps to treat bad feelings as signals. Fear, anger, and sadness are your brain flagging a threat. They aren't verdicts. And we learn very little when things go well. Nearly all of it comes when they go badly. Zoom out and the pattern gets stronger. Adults go through a major unplanned disruption, a lost job or a lost person or a sudden move, roughly every five years. More than nine in ten people experience it as unwelcome while it's happening and later call it beneficial. Think of a college freshman's first semester: lonely and miserable in real time, and the thing they laugh about at every reunion. The in-between stretch, when the old thing is gone and the new one hasn't arrived, is the most fertile learning time you'll ever get. Most of us spend it waiting for it to be over. THE SEAT YOU'RE IN · TREAT IT AS SCHOOL One more thing before Monday, and this part is for you, not your cabinet. Most careers aren't a ladder. They're a string of four or five distinct careers, and most of us never get told that. When leaders start wondering what's next, they usually ask, "What am I already good at?" That question leads to reapplying old skills in a new building, which feels safe and often goes flat. The better question is, "What am I most interested in?" Interest almost never fails you. Getting there may mean going backward for a while on title, salary, or prestige. Call that tuition. Every step sideways is a return to school, and the leaders who reinvent well are the ones who can enjoy being a beginner again. Some leaders between seats do something older than any search firm. They walk. A long walk, days or weeks, with no agenda except the question. People have done it for thousands of years for a reason: the answer usually shows up on the trail. The same principle builds better cabinets. Nobody is interested in everything. Put people where their interest lives, and let the team cover each other's blind spots. The rules for how to succeed were written for an average person, and there isn't one. That's PQ at its most practical: seeing your people clearly enough to seat them where they come alive. MONDAY MORNING Here's what to do Monday (assuming you're not already counting down to Friday, in which case, start Tuesday): Step 1: Run the Countdown Audit (10 minutes, on your own). Write down every "once X happens" sentence you or your cabinet has said in the last month. Mark each one C if your team controls the date, or H if you're hoping someone else delivers it. If most of the list is H, your team's morale is on loan from people who don't attend your meetings. Step 2: Take the 80-20-0 Reading (15 minutes, next cabinet meeting). This is the test I mentioned at the top. Name your biggest current initiative. Ask each cabinet member to privately write three numbers that add to 100: excitement, fear, and deadness. Deadness is the hollow feeling of picturing two more years of this work and feeling nothing. A healthy reading for anything worth doing lands near 80 excitement, 20 fear, and zero deadness. Some fear is good news, since it means the thing could fail and therefore matters. If fear runs high, your team needs support. If deadness shows up for more than two people, you have a meaning problem, and no new timeline will fix it. (Collect the cards face down. Otherwise you'll get eight copies of whatever the boss wrote.) Step 3: Turn one finish line into a heading (20 minutes). Take one H item from Step 1. Rewrite it as a heading your team controls, then name two weekly reps and who owns each. Open the next meeting by naming the thing on this week's calendar nobody is looking forward to, and what it might teach you. Close it with "why this week mattered." "Our board measures outcomes, not process." Of course it does. Keeping score is the board's job. Yours is running the practice that moves the score, and practice is the only part of the season you actually control. "This sounds soft for the year we're having." A hard year is exactly when finish lines fail you. If the vote, the enrollment number, or the legislature goes the wrong way, a countdown cabinet has nothing left. A cabinet with reps still has Monday. THE MATURITY SHIFT Immature leaders think: "We'll feel better once we get through this." Mature leaders think: "We'll get through this by what we practice every week." Immature leaders set dates they don't control. Mature leaders set headings and own the reps. Immature leaders hear "oh no." Mature leaders ask "what's this?" Immature leaders save meaning for the celebration. Mature leaders put it on Monday's agenda. ❝ A finish line gives your team one good week. A practice gives them the other fifty-one. ❞ ❝ You can't schedule being alive for later. Monday is the only one you've got. ❞ Your turn. What's the "once we get through ___" sentence your cabinet has been saying the longest, and what has the waiting cost you? Put it in the comments. Someone reading this is counting down to the same date. FROM DR. JOE One question before you go. When your cabinet crosses its next finish line, what do you expect to feel the week after? If you've been in the chair a while, you already know. A few days of relief, then the next date shows up and the team starts borrowing against it again. How long has your cabinet been running on that cycle? And what happens to your best people, especially the ones under 35, if the only answer you can give to "why does this matter?" is a date on the calendar? That gap compounds quietly. Strong directors drift toward places that can answer the question. The top leader ends up carrying the meaning alone, and the countdown gets lonelier every year. Now picture the other version. Your cabinet still cares about the vote and the enrollment number, and it has built weekly practices that make the work matter on an ordinary Tuesday. When the finish line moves, that team corrects course and keeps its heart. That's the cabinet THE TEAM INSTITUTE builds over eight months, one practice at a time, grounded in the TQ research behind IQ × EQ × PQ across 987 leadership teams in 43 states: 📈 3x performance improvement 🤝 29% higher engagement 🎯 27% better organizational outcomes 🧭 Zero increase in burnout You don't have to commit to eight months to learn where your team stands. The Team Intelligence Assessment shows how your cabinet thinks, decides, and perceives together, including where meaning is leaking out between the dates. It may tell you you're in good shape. That's worth knowing too. Would it help to see it before your next finish line arrives? Start here: https://www.higherperformancegroup.com/team-intelligence-assessment And if this one landed, pass it to a peer who's counting down to the same date. Repost it with your own "once we get through" sentence, or tag the cabinet member who always asks why. They should know you noticed.  Follow DR. JOE HILL and Higher Performance Group .
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